Male Migraines
by A.D. Williams
Summary: Sesshomaru's parents, well Izayoi and Inutaisho, have decided to take a much needed vacation, leaving the dog demon to care for his toddleraged brother. Of course you know all hell's about to break loose!
1. The Beginning is Always the End

Okay, I'm now off of my vacation! Just had to ponder my next story. To those who've read my stories before know of my randomness; hey, it's what I do! And to those who are reading one of my works for the first time, all I have to say is expect the unexpected! _And _one other thing. All in the name of humor, I have made _all _of the characters out of character. I'm not trying to slander them or anything else people seem to have this idea that that's what I'm doing, It's just for comedy. So I'm telling you this now so I don't hear any bitching or complaining later on. If you don't like it, simply stop reading. It's not that hard to do because I'm not going to stop writing in my fashion. Okay, so now that's out of the way. Please read and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Inuyasha characters except Sesshomaru...Sesshomaru with his long, silky hair...his deep manly voice...those hypnotizing eyes...Okay, that's enough of that! Just playing! And of course, I don't own him. But if only...

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The Beginning of the End

"Did you make sure you packed the sunscreen?" Izayoi asked her husband. "Yes, dear." He said with a heavy sigh. They had been going through this for the last fourty minutes. "Did you also get the digital camera at Best Buy?" "Yes. And I bought the disposible ones as well." Izayoi paced the bedroom for a moment, thinking. "Did you--" "Yes! We have everything!" She stopped and gave him a look. "I'm just asking. You know you're as forgetful as Totosai wishes he could be. Hell, you'd probably lose--" "My head if it wasn't attatched to my shoulders, yeah, yeah." Inutaisho muttered. He hated when she did this.

Sesshomaru stood in the door way to their bedroom, watching as they stuffed last-minute items into their bags. There were nine of them. "Damn, you think you have everything?" he asked in a sarcastic tone. His step-mother threw him a "Don't you sass me," look. His father raised his eyebrows and cocked his head in a way that said, "I'm wondering the same thing."

Inuyasha sidled into the room. "When are you gonna be back Mommy?" He asked as he pulled on the hem of her kimono. She lovingly turned toward him. "We won't be gone for longer than a week. By Monday next week, we'll be greeting you with kisses all over!" And she promptly started kissing him on his forehead and cheeks and stomach. Sesshomaru gave a loud, rude gag. "What the hell ever," he said while rolling his eyes. His father followed suit. Walking over to him, he whispered in his ear, "I still say she spoils him too damn much. Like when he broke the cookie jar. Back in my day, that would've been an automatic ass-whupping. But no, not her. She feels that since he's only a half-demon, he's more fragile and can't stand as much punishment as a full demon can. She could've at least grounded him!"

Sesshomaru agreed. Inuyasha got way with way too much shit. But let it be him who messed up! Oh, there'd be hell to pay. Something like accidentaly leaving the toilet seat up to where Izayoi fell in it at night could land him a two hour chewing. But if precious Inuyasha did the same thing, "Oh, it's okay. He doesn't know any better." Shit! _The damn kid knows to put down the toilet seat. I only don't do it to_ _see his mother fall in. _

Izayoi and Inutaisho casted around the room one last time to make sure that nothing was left out. Satisfied, Izayoi strutted out the door and down the stairs, leaving Inutaisho to lug the bags. Sesshomaru watched him struggling but made no effort to help him. It was his fault that he chose to marry this vanity princess. He was letting him pay the consequences for it.

He followed them to the waiting limo at the palace gates. Turning to him, Inutaisho said, "This place better still be standing when we get back. Make sure to take care of your little brother. He really looks up to you." Sesshomaru gagged again, though inwardly this time. He shifted his gaze to Izayoi, who was eyeing him.

She was a nice enough woman, quiet and demure. She was the perfect example of lady-likeness, doing everything with grace. But that was only around guests. Should she become upset when there were none (for example, if there weren't any more yougurt's in the fridge. Sesshomaru thought that she should look to her child), she'd snap off in a heartbeat, all femininity out the window, cuss words flying, as well as many objects. Only a Dove chocolate bar would soothe that savage beast. With as often as that had to happen, it was a wonder how she stayed thin. It was whispered amongst the servants that she was constantly having lipo.

She gave him a supposedly warm smile and enveloped him in a hug. "Take care of my boy," she said with an affectionate voice in his ear. Then it suddenly turned cold. "If anything happens to him, I'll castrate you." She pulled away from him and held him at arms length by the shoulders. "Okay?" She said in the warm tone again. Sesshomaru gave a quick smirk that he quickly changed into a fake smile so she wouldn't notice it. "Sure. I'll take care of him as if he were actually wanted." Izayoi glowered at him, then did a cutting motion as though with a knife around her thighs. Sesshomaru turned away from her to look at his father. His father had missed the gesture.

Packed, they entered the limo. Inuyasha waved good-bye to them until the vehicle was out of sight. Then, turning to Sesshomaru he said, "Oh yeah! You have to do everything I tell you to do or I'ma tell my mommy on you! And then you'll catch it from Dad!" He ran cackling into the palace. But Sesshomaru had no intentions of pampering this cretin. And the nice thing was, he already had a bit of an advantage. What the little snot didn't know was that nobody liked him. He was a half-demon, an abomination, despised by all. The servants put up with it only because of Izayoi and Inutaisho. But Mommy and Daddy wasn't here to protect him now.

He had actually laughed when Inuyasha had run to his mother and asked her what was a half-breed after he'd been playing with some of the other children around the palace. Izayoi had only cried, not clarified the name. So, Inuyasha was still clueless. Sesshomaru decided to make full use of this knowledge. Rubbing his hands together, he gave another smirk. Oh, the fun he would have this week!

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Okay, perhaps a bit cruel on Inuyasha's part, but so's his situation. I won't make fun of him too much (I hope) though. So, anyways, please review and tell me what you thought! 


	2. Japanese Idol

Okay, two chapters in a row! As always, read and enjoy or I'll kill your pet parakeet! But I love animals so I would never do anything like that! But do enjoy!

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**Japanese Idol**

(Like American Idol)

Things were off to a bad start. By the time Sesshomaru had made it back into the palace, Inuyasha had already went off the deep end and had started ripping up the throw pillows on the living room couch. "Play with me, Sesshy! Let's have a pillow fight!" the kid demanded. Sesshomaru seriously considered taking up his offer. _A pillow fight, hm? Oh, lets! _A series of pictures flashed in his mind. In the first one, he was laughing an evil laugh as he swung a pillow going at over a hundred miles an hour at Inuyasha. The second picture showed the pillow colliding with his head. The third one had the boy flying across the room. In the fourth, Inuyasha smacked against the wall, slowly sliding down. And the fifth, he was lying unconscious on the floor, Sesshomaru watching himself as he did some kind of victory jig.

He shook his head to rid him of the pictures, especially of the last one. He couldn't ever imagine himself doing something so absurd as _dancing. _He focused his attention on Inuyasha again. The boy had bored himself to death with the lack of a fighting partner and had taken up doing finger painting. In the closed cabinets of the entertainment center he kept paper and paint and brushes. Sesshomaru figured that as long as the kid remained quiet, he'd be fine. Now, where was his father's secret bar...

As soon as Sesshomaru turned his back to look for the liquor, a bright wet object narrowly missed his head. A glob of yellow paint. It hit the top of the doorway instead. He gave a silent snarl and whirled around. Inuyasha was standing with a paintbrush in each hand, grinning. "Move your big head, Sesshy. You're in the way." Then he started swinging his arms wildly, slapping paint all over the walls. _Why the fuck did I have to be the one to watch him? Spring Bling's coming up and go figure they leave me to babysit. _

A/N: For anyone who watches BET knows what Spring Bling is. It's pretty cut-and-dry, really, but if you don't know, ask around.

"Sit your ass down, Inuyasha!" he seethed. "Hell to the motherfucking no!" Inuyasha sassed. Sesshomaru was taken aback for a moment. Where had he learned _this?! _He lunged for him, but his brother's small size was more lithe. He side-stepped him, then ran the paintbrush across his back, ruining the white kimono top. It wasn't this that annoyed Sesshomaru; he had about a hundred more just like it in his closet. It was the action itself. "Damnit boy!" Inuyasha ran away, spreading paint everywhere he went.

Sesshomaru chased after him, feeling foolish all the while. The kid ran loops around the furniture and knocked over every end table he crawled under. Finally, Sesshomaru cornered him. Grabbing him by his shoulders, he dragged him back to the couch, his brother kicking and screaming the whole time. "Let me go! I hate you, Sesshy! I HATE YOU! Leave me alone, you big meanie! Ooh, I CAN'T STAND YOU!" "I can't stand your ass either!" Sesshomaru finally snapped. "But your damn mother and our father said I have to watch you and I'll be dammed if you make me look bad! You already ruined my favorite kimono." Inuyasha tsked and sized him up with his eyes. "Honey, that kimono was ruined the moment it went on _you._"

_You little..._ Sesshomaru bit his tounge to keep from saying what was on his mind. All but throwing Inuyasha on the couch, he surveyed the damage. The entire living room looked like a Picaso painting. Inuyasha smirked. "You like? I call it _Yasha monsier del migion." _"That shit's wack," Sesshomaru stated. He gave a huge sigh and went to the kitchen to get a bucket and a sponge. When he came back, he was surprised to see that Inuyasha was still on the couch, now watching a cartoon on TV.

Sesshomaru had never been a cartoon watcher and didn't understand the humor children found in them, but Inuyasha seemed to love looking at this particular program. It starred a sponge and starfish who were supposedly best friends. _So childish. _But as long as his brother was quiet, that's all that mattered. Dipping the sponge in the hot water he had made, he scrubbed the walls.

The show went off, but another episode came on again. Inuyasha felt that it was neccesary to scream the lyrics to it at the top of his lungs. "OHHHHHHHHHH! WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! WHO'S COVERED IN HOLES AND POUROUS AS HE! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! A NAUTICAL NONSENSE, HE'S SOMETHING YOU WISH! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! SO HOP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS (READY!)! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! SPONGEBOOOOOOOOOOB SQUAREPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS! (finishing with a sailor's laughter and Spongebob playing the flute on his nose). Sesshomaru now had a migraine.

"Why?" he asked weakly. "Why must you torture me like this?" "Because you're my brother. Arn't brothers supposed to torture each other?" "Yes, but what you do is just pure cruel and unusual punishment!" Inuyasha smirked, then returned his attention to the screen. Half an hour later, he was done with one wall. But another show was coming on and Inuyasha once again had to scream the lyrics to it.

"TIMMY IS AN AVERAGE KID, BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! MOM AND DAD AND VICKY ALWAYS GIVING HIM COMMANDS!---"(Fairly Oddparents). Sesshomaru wasn't about to hear it. "Shut up! Please! Just shut the hell up for five minutes! I can't even hear myself think with you screaming so damn loud!" Inuyasha stared at him. "Man, you're deaf. Perhaps you need that hearing aid that Dad got for Kaede for Christmas." Sesshomaru gritted his teeth, but thankfully the opening song of the show was done so he could have another half-hour of peace.

He finished the living room within the hour. Before he could hear Inuyasha shout out more cartoon lyrics, he left the room. Kami, now he really needed to find that wet bar more than ever. He stumbled into the kitchen, searching almost deliriously for it. A few minutes later, he was grabbing the bridge of his nose to help the pain in his head. He paused and leaned against the wall. A quiet buzz went off that he'd have missed had he not had such acute hearing. The pantry wall swung around to reveal a bar with a stock of liquor behind it. _Thank you Kami, Ghandi, Buddha, and all inbetween! _

He made a break for the drinks. Mixing a random concoction, he downed it, shivering at its power. He immediatly fixed another. Inuyasha wandered in as he was making his third drink. "What's that?" "Something for grown-ups. Leave me alone." "You're not grown! If you are, how come you're still living with mom and dad?" Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes at him. "You know too damn much." Inuyasha cheesed and mock-bashfully grabbed the hem of his kimono and wringed it in his hands. "That's what my mommy says." Sesshomaru rolled his eyes at him. "You know, if you keep doing that, your eyes are going to roll right out of your head." Inuyasha laughed.

"I don't care. Just go some where," Sesshomaru said, the effects of the drinks taking him. Inuyasha instead hopped up on a bar stool next to him. "I want one." "No." Inuyasha pouted for a moment, then opened his mouth and began wailing another song. "IF YOU WANT TO PLAY, COME AND PLAY TODAY, LET'S JUST GET AWAY, YEAH! ALL THE THINGS YOU SEE, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND FOLLOW ME!--" (lyrics to Zoey 101). "That's it! I've fuckin' had it with you!" Sesshomaru shouted. "I bet your little ass that you didn't know that Santa Clause wasn't real, did you?" Inuyasha grew silent and stared at him, contemplating his words. "Uh-uh! you're lying! He is real! I saw him last year!" "That was Dad!" Inuyasha pondered this. "Okay, then how do toys get all over the world in one night? Only Santa can do that." "That's because all the parents go out and buy their kids their presents. Like one person gives a shit for all the kids in the world!"

Inuyasha's eyes widened. "Oh, yeah? Well, how about the Tooth Fairy! She's real! I saw her--" "Your damn mother! Look in the back of her closet some time and you'll find her outfit. But last year when you lost that tooth, all of those Dove bars had gained on her and she hadn't had time to get to the plastic surgeon's. She couldn't fit into the damn suit! That's why she made up that lame ass excuse about the "Tooth Fairy" not having any money to give. Her ass couldn't get dressed for the occasion!"

Inuyasha's mouth dropped. "Well...well...the Easter Bunny! There, explain that!" "Me! Dad paid me 50 yen to put on that damn costume because he had also out grown it. In fact, he said that he's going to have to tell you this year that you're too old for the Easter Bunny. And the Tooth Fairy as well as Santa. So there, you little bastard! All of your little childhood hero's are fake!" Inuyasha's lips quivered. "What...what about Jesus?" "Who?! Boy, we're Buddhist, what the fuck are you talking about?"

At this, Inuyasha burst out in tears and ran out of the room. Sesshomaru only smirked and made another drink. Damn he loved being older.

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Quite longer than what I planned, but I got it out! Hope you liked it! Review and tell me what you thought. 


	3. Eating and Reading

**Reading and Eating**

(Just what I like to do when alone...which is just about always...does that sound depressing?)

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Strangely, the place had been quiet for the past hour. Sesshomaru was on guard, though. The little pest could surprise you with some of his antics if you weren't careful enough. Sesshomaru was in his father's study, examining some of his books out of boredom. Yes, when bored, our sexy demon liked to read. A regular bookworm...

He had found something with some rather awkward pictures on the front of it called _Kama Sutra. _There was no explanation on the back and nothing on the front flap of the book, so he pulled out his father's stuffed armchair from his desk and started reading. As he read, his face crumpled up. Then it made a horrific expression. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He gave a loud yell and threw the book across the room, knocking over his trophies on the far wall. "What...what the hell was that?!" He shot a venomous look at the book, then went and picked up the trophies. Fuck the book, he'd leave it there for the servants to put back.

Just as he was about to lock up, Inuyasha darted in the room from between his legs. "Whatcha doin'?" He asked with what was supposed to be an innocent look. Of course Sesshomaru knew that since this was Satan reincarnate, that was a front. "Leaving," he answered him. "Why?" Inuyasha asked. "Because I'm done in here." "Why?" Sesshomaru sighed. "Because I just am. Now get out of there so I can lock the door."

Inuyasha took a baby step toward the exit, but stopped when he saw the book. He ran over and picked it up. Scanning a few pages with his eyes, he said, "Read this to me." He was still too young to have learned fully how to read. Sesshomaru thought about it. Such a graphic book...if lucky, maybe it'd be the first book he'd be able to recall in the future, screwing the kid up for life. A lifetime remembering sodomy...

No, that was too cruel even for Sesshomaru. "No. If you decide that you want to act civil, I'll read something from your room to you." Without waiting for his answer, he grabbed Inuyasha's arm and dragged him out, locking the door behind him. He didn't notice that Inuyasha still had the book in his hand. As he decended the stairs, Inuyasha ran to his room and stashed it.

Following his brother on his heels, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru entered the den/library. Maybe he'd find something less...intense here. Inuyasha bounced on the heels of his feet. "I'm hungry." Sesshomaru's eyes paused on the binding of the book he was staring at. _Go figure, he would be. _"The servants should have cooked something by now. Go check the kitchen." Inuyasha left, but returned a second later. "Nobody cooked." "You didn't even check." Sesshomaru said dryly. _Hm, _God Don't Like Ugly_...neither does Kami...so, He hate's Inuyasha? _He grabbed the book and read its back.

A/N: _God Don't Like Ugly _was written by Mary Monroe. Just clarifying! A real good book...

Inuyasha pulled on his pants leg. "Sesshy, I'm hungry!" he said in a whiny voice. Sesshomaru tore his gaze away from the book with great difficulty. "If you're so damn certain that nobody's cooked anything, then make something. You're old enough to do that." Inuyasha's eyes went to the floor and he shuffled his feet. "No I'm not. Mommy says that I'm too little to touch the oven or microwave." Sesshomaru growled low in his throat. He was hating that bitch more and more. By the time he was Inuyasha's age, not only did he _have _to know how to cook (meals such as eggs benedict--?, shrimp scampii, and lasagna), he also had to know how to survive in the wild, catching and cooking his own food there as well. His mother definitly pampered this mutt too much.

He snapped the book shut and placed it on a table to retrieve later. "Fine. I will cook for you once, and once only. Watch and learn so you can do it later." He led Inuyasha to the kitchen. It had been awhile since he had had to cook, so he hoped that his skills weren't rusty. Opening the fridge, he examined his choices. _Eggs, bacon, lunch meat...hm, I could make an omlette. No the damn idiot will probably complain about that's what he had for breakfast or something. _Then an idea hit him. He'd make his favorite food. Not out of niceness, hell no. But Inuyasha's favorite dish was simple. In fact, it was the very first thing that Sesshomaru had learned to make. Ramen.

Going to a cabinet, he dug out a pot, then thought better of it. _I'd better start off small. His trains don't leave the station at the same time as everyone else's. _He got a packet of noodles out of the pantry and ripped it open. Putting it in a bowl, he added some water and set it in the microwave for a few minutes. Yeah, he was giving the kid a bonus. The pack said it cooked in one minute, but Sesshomaru found that to be bullshit. The noodles were still pretty much connected and fat and semi-hard. He shook his head to rid him of the naughty thoughts that last word brought to his head. There, it happened again!

After the microwave beeped, he pulled it out, carefully drained some of the water, added the flavor pack, then placed it on the table with a pair of chopsticks beside it. "Enjoy," he said sarcastically, looking foreward to getting back to his book. Inuyasha glanced at him, then sat down and started grubbing. Back in the library, Sesshomaru sat down in a bean-bag chair in a corner, tail curling around his body. Giving one last snuggle like a cat, he started reading. Ah, the joys of a good book, so informative, so imaginative, so--what the hell was that?

Inuyasha was screaming from the kitchen. Sesshomaru waited a moment to see if the kid would resolve the issue himself. Ten minutes later, he hadn't. "Fucking ass-hole!" He pushed the book aside again and got up to see what it was the bastard wanted. As soon as he saw him, he wanted to slap him. Well, he had always wanted to slap him, but now he wanted to slap him even harder. The kid had tipped the bowl of noodles onto his lap. Rather than getting up and brushing off the food, he'd sat there with the steaming water on him. Sesshomaru literally face-palmed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Can't you do anything?" He shouted in Inuyasha's face. This only succeeded in upsetting him, making him bawl even louder. "Oh God, shut up," he said tiredly. Inuyasha continued to cry. Sesshomaru ripped his obi off and started wiping away the food. "Why are you still sitting there? Get the hell up and clean yourself!" Inuyasha only lowered his head to his chest, still whimpering. "I don't wanna," he sobbed. Sesshomaru had just about had it with him. "Inuyasha, I'm not going to ask you again. Get up," He said in almost a whisper. Inuyasha remained seated.

Sesshomaru gave an annoyed snarl, then pulled his little brother up, who immediatly started screaming bloody murder. "I'm hardly touching you! Shh, shh, be quiet! You'll have the neighbors thinking I abuse you or something!" He put a hand over Inuyasha's mouth, but he wouldn't be silenced. He struggled and tried to bite his hand, but Sesshomaru wrapped his obi around it so it wouldn't hurt him.

For the third time in one day, he dragged his little brother. When he reached his room, he tossed him on his bed, not caring that the child flipped over on his stomach, putting the food on the blankets. Then, before he knew what he was doing, Sesshomaru was finding him something to wear! He opened his dresser, but saw nothing but red. A message that an old girlfriend had sent him from MySpace flashed through his head. "If you wake up in some place completly red, don't worry. You're in my heart." He shook it away. _Damnit Kagura..._

He found the same scene in Inuyasha's closet. _Fuck, he even copied my way of shopping, buy thousands of the same thing! _Inuyasha hopped up from the bed and shoved him aside. "I wanna wear the red kimono!" He said. "They're all red, nitwit!" Sesshomaru huffed. "No, that one's burgandy." Sesshomaru gave a slow blink. Most men recognized only ten colors, the seven primary colors in the rainbow, then brown, black and gray. Shades like peach and "burgandy" weren't included in his vision. Burgandy was classified as red and peach...peach was nonexistant. And what the fuck was mauve?! Those were considered female colors, the one's used when choosing what color to decorate the house. Men didn't need to use such adjectives. Evidently, Izayoi was rubbing off on the hanyou.

Sesshomaru grabbed the "burgandy" outfit and threw it at him. "Here, wear that one. It has a much better looking looking piece of string around it." The joke went right over Inuyasha's head. _Told ya his trains left at different times than others. Mine left at 8:00 a.m. His is just now departing at 8:00 p.m. _Inuyasha eagerly put the kimono on as though it really were different.

Now that that was settled, Sesshomaru hoped to finally have some R&R with his book. If the idiot wanted anything, he'd let the servants handle it. Oh wait, they hated him. Still...the kid would be alright for a few hours, right? Right? Right.

Sesshomaru wasn't convinced though.

Okay, I'm already going lax on my comedy. But I'm getting sleepy but I finally had some time to write, so I took it before the rest of my family bombarded the computer! Still, hope you liked it, or at least found it mildly interesting. Hope to be back with more soon! Please review!


	4. A Half Assed Story

Yeah, it's been awhile, I know, I know...but hey, here's something to fuel your comedy needs! Oh, and um, I might wanna warn you...this chapter is one of my more...random and crazy ones. But if you don't mind, go for it!

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A Half-Assed Story

(Yeah, another book chapter. Hopefully, this is more interesting though!)

It was nearing Inuyasha's bedtime of 8 o'clock. Sesshomaru had long since abandoned reading his book due to the constant needs of Inuyasha, like a straw to drink his milk or, after getting paint on his clothes, a _crimson _outfit. Straight home decor. Now as a final request, Inuyasha wanted a story read to him. And not just any book, _Kama Sutra._

Sesshomaru couldn't bring himself to look at the cover again, much less touch the book. "Inuyasha, why? You have all of these books in here and you want me to read you _this?!_" "Yeah, mommy says that I'm getting to be a big boy so I should read big boy things and since you were reading this, I figured it was a book ment for older kids." Sesshomaru gave a huge sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. A picture flashed through his mind, one where Izayoi was looking at him with disgust on her face, pointing to the book that was in Inutaisho's hands. Inutaisho though, was smiling his ass off and nodding while reading the book. He shook his head to rid him of yet another disturbing thought.

"Here, if I must read to you, I'll read something to you from your own inventory. How about...the _Three Little Bears_?" Inuyasha huffed and crossed his arms. "That shit's boring. I've already read it like a bijillion, million times." Sesshomaru gave a slow blink. "That's not even a fucking number." "I'm like, three years old, so yeah, it it is!" Inuyasha retorted. Sesshomaru gave another sigh and scanned his books again. "Fine, if you don't like that, how about the _Little Engine That Could._" "Pssht, that's wack too! The fuckin' title gives the ending away."

Rather than responding right away, Sesshomaru looked over everything in the shelves to find what would be the best book. He finally settled on: "_Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. _Hey, that has you written all over it!" Inuyasha gave him a slow blink back. "You just don't know how fuckin' racist that sounds to me. To hell with you Sesshomaru! But go ahead, read it. But change some of the parts to make it more interesting. And skip around. Oh, and make sure you add the British accents. If there's one thing I can't stand besides cottage cheese, brussels sprouts, and asparagus, it's a person who reads in monotone."

Sesshomaru flipped open the book to the middle. " 'You think you're so perfect, don't you Potter?' Professor Snape said. Harry curled his fist tightly around his wand. "No, I--" "That's boooorrrring!" Inuyasha cut in. "Come on, change it up! You're putting me to sleep!" _Isin't that the point? _Sesshomaru thought. But he gave a deep breath and started again in a high, girlish pitch. "Yes, I do think I'm perfect! In fact, I'm better than everyone in this school, even better than Dumbledore! And I hate Ron and Hermoine!" Inuyasha turned to him angrily.

"What the fuck is that?! 'I'm better than Dumbledore!' Oh, God that's cheap! Come on, make Harry do something bold and daring!" _Right, like that's not what happens in every book anyways. _Sesshomaru threw the book down. "Fine, you want different, here it is. Harry was born in a mansion. A huge ass mansion, bigger than ours--" "Uh uh, it can't be bigger than ours." Inuyasha said. "It can be _as big as _ours, though." Sesshomaru gave him a side-ways glance and continued. "Anyways, so he lived in this mansion, right. And he lived with his dad and step mom with her ugly mixed breed kid. He was like half Polish and half Antartican or something."

"Well, one day he got tired of his damn parents doting on the freakin' kid so he did away with them. He stabbed his wanna-be momma in her sleep and ground her body in the blender and he did away with his dad by--no, wait. He let his dad live because his dad was cool. But they both hated the other kid so they pushed him in the way of the lawn mower and ran him over, then threw his parts in the drive way. They both hopped in the monster truck and ran over what was left of him. Then they swung by Ron and Hermione's cribs and picked them up. As soon as they got in, they started fuckin' in the back seat of the truck and Harry's dad tried to join in on the action. But Ron was being stingy and wouldn't let him."

"Anyways, so they got to the club and they're bumpin' their music and playing some song about flyin' high and not lying and about ballin' and some shit. As they enter, all eyes are on Harry cause, you know he got that krunk ass scar on his forehead and shit, and all the ladies were up on him like "Aye, poppy. This lil chica wanna see what ya got." So he hits the dance floor with about four fine ho's and they all having a good time and he see's his school's head master, Dumbledore there gettin' his freak on with the deputy head mistress, Professor McGonagall and as the DJ plays Pretty Ricky's song "Grind on Me", Professor Snape is getting grinded on by the divinations teacher, Professor Trelawney. But the whole thing ends by some guy getting pissed about some other guy saying he's wrong about it being Ulysses S. Grant on the 50 dollar bill and pulling his glock out. So Harry, his dad, Ron, Hermione, and all the teachers pile up in the truck and go home to get drunk and throw up all over the place. The end."

A/N: I will explain all of this at the end for those of you who are completly clueless. I only know this because, well, I'm a friggin book nerd and have read every Harry Potter book as of yet. Yeah, and I'm about to be eighteen...

Inuyasha had pulled the covers over his face, nothing but his ears sticking out of the top. They were shaking. "Ses-Sesshomaru? I don't want you to read to me anymore," he said in a little kid voice for once. Sesshomaru smirked. "Good. Because I was going to say that if you wanted me to give you another story, I could remix _Eragon _for you." "No! Don't touch _Eragon_!" Another smirk.

Trying to undo some of the damage that he had done so the little bastard wouldn't go and tell his mom on him, Sesshomaru tucked the covers around his shoulders. "Got to sleep. And don't be calling me in the middle of the night asking for shit like a crack head." He flicked ont he light on his end table, then shut out the room light. He left the door open a crack and turned on the bathroom light. _Damn, I'm am _such _a good brother. _He scoffed and rolled his eyes. _Yeah the fuck right._

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Okay, this was more of a random chapter (well, which one's arn't?). But as for the whole Harry Potter thing, I simply needed a plot to help elapse time. I didn't want to just jump to the next day, but I'm done with writing about the present one. Does that make any sense? I hope so, cause I'm not explaining! Oh, and as for the song that Harry was supposedly playing as they were heading to the club, it was Jim Jones' song Ballin'. Another throwed fact for the books...

So, about Harry...hm, I think some parts are pretty self-explanatory. For example, the head master is the same thing as his principal, whose name is Dumbledore. The deputy head mistress is like the vice principal (but in the story, she doubles as a teacher as well) whose name is professor Mcgonagall. Divinations is a study of the future, I believe. I know in the story that they're always trying to figure out their fortunes and that has to do with the future. Anyways, their teachers name is professor Trelawney. Professor Snape is Harry's potion's teacher. Ron and Hermione (her name is pronounced "her-my-oh-knee". In one of the books, she herself broke her name down like that.) are Harry's friends. And considering my age, I perhaps shouldn't know all of this...or I shouldn't remember it...then again, I was about eleven when I started reading the books...but going on! Please review and tell me what you thought of all the wack and crazy ideas I threw into this!


	5. TMI and a Dryer Can Be A Bad Thing

So, I'm back on the scene with a new and exciting adventure between the two brothers! Are _you _excited? I mean, any kind of excitment, fun excitment, cruel excitment, sexual excitment, flirting with-your-co-worker-even-though-you-know-that's-against-the-law excited? Any kind? Nothing? Well, to hell with ya'll too! But then again, I'm not really all that much either...!

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Too Much Information (and a Dryer)

**Can be a Bad Thing**

Sesshomaru had planned to get a few extra hours of sleep since his father wasn't there to wake him up at the ass crack of dawn to train. By habit, he was already awake at 5:30, but smiled at the prospect of not getting up until about oh...let's say 12:00. Yes, how beautiful that would be...if only a certain person would've let him. Just as his eyes were closing again, his door burst open.

"Sesshy, it's time to get up!" Inuyasha screamed at the top of his lungs. "Damn, Inuyasha! Why do you always have to do things that put me a step away from a heart attack?" Inuyasha smiled a gap-toothed smile, both of his fangs not having grown in yet. "Do I really almost kill you when I yell? Wow! Hey, maybe I can go down in history as the youngest murder!" Sesshomaru groaned and threw the covers over his face. "Get the hell out. I don't have time for this." Inuyasha though, pulled the covers off of him. "You're right, you don't. You have to do your morning jog of a hundred miles, do five million push-ups, eat four raw eggs, then go and do weaponry training for about nine hours."

Sesshomaru gagged at the thought of eating what his father called "a healthy breakfast" of raw eggs. Yeah, it helped his hair, but his father also insisted that it helped against worms. Like he was a fucking dog! After nearly nine-hundred years, he still hadn't gotten used to it. "Inuyasha, I'm taking a day off. How about you go do something productive like leaving me the hell alone for once. It's too damn early for you to be starting all of that shit that you pull during the day time." He threw the covers over his head again. Some how, he sensed that Inuyasha was smirking. _Oh no, what now?_

Inuyasha hopped up on the bed and started jumping up and down on it. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" He chanted over and over. Sesshomaru slept on a water bed, and with Inuyasha shaking it, it felt like he was caught in the middle of a white squall without ever having been out at sea. He clung to the headboard for dear life. "If I end up chunking up everything I ate last night, I'm making sure the spew lands on you!" he grunted out between clenched teeth and eyes. Inuyasha gave one final bounce, then landed with a _pop_. The bed's water broke.

Like a bursting dam, the water flowed out of the bed, carrying Inuyasha and Sesshomaru with it. "Woooooo-hoooooooo!" Inuyasha shouted, throwing his arms up and surfing out of the room on a pillow. Sesshomaru was simply washed away with the tide, too tangled in the covers to stop himself before he reached the stairs. Unfortunatly for him, he was a wet bundle that thunked the whole way down; Inuyasha treated it more like it was a Slip N' Slide or a ride a Wet N' Wild. As he hit the bottom, he shook off like a dog and proclaimed: "Let's do that again!"

Sesshomaru slashed the blankets off of him. "Ooooh," he moaned, grabbing his side. "My back, my neck, my back and my neck!" Inuyasha smirked, then did some kind of cheer-leading motion while chanting, "My neck, my back, relax my weave and my tracks!" He ended in a poise where his hand was on his hip. Sesshomaru could only stare. "Don't-don't ever do that again Inuyasha. Please? We catch enough hell with you as is." His brother gave a shrug and skipped off to some other area of the palace.

Sesshomaru gathered up the wet bedding and headed toward the laundry room. Without even seperating the lights from the darks (what do men know of that anyways?), he threw the whole thing into the dryer. Then he snatched about twelve fabric softner sheets out of the box and tossed that in with it. Right before he closed the door, Inuyasha snuck in the room and sprung into the dryer. Sesshomaru was too absorbed in trying to figure out the configurations of the dryer to notice. He finally settled on just turning the machine up to the highest heat level and hope for the best.

As soon as the metal drum inside of the dryer started turning, a loud thump sounded off. He turned and looked at it. "Cheap ass appliances. Ten year warrenty my ass." He left, not casting another look back at the still thumping dryer. An hour later, when the buzzer went off, he went to retrieve the clothes. As he gathered them up into his arms again, he noted that they were a hell of a lot heavier than when they went in, counting the previous weight of the water in them. "What the fu--" he didn't finish his sentence. At that moment, Inuyasha chose to grab Sesshomaru's arm. An electric jolt crossed from him to his brother. But rather than it being just normal static electricity, it came off more like a lightning bolt, the kid mixing what little demonic powers he had with it. The power was so strong, it knocked Sesshomaru back against the wall.

"I am Thor, feel my wrath!" Inuyasha said. "I have more powers than Moten, Heiten (the Thunder Brothers, remember?), Batman, Robin, Aquaman, Mr. Fantastic, and Wonder Woman combined!" Sesshomaru shook away the dancing strippers that were circling his head in his confusion. _Weak ass _Marvel _comic book heros._ "How the hell did you survive in there? That shit gets up to a hundred and twenty degrees!" For some reason, Inuyasha took it upon himself to turn the situation into some kind of cross between a drama, a horror movie, and some kid bent of world domination.

"When I was a young pup--" "What the fuck you mean?! You _still are _a young pup!" "Sshh! It's rude to interupt, Sesshomaru. Anyways, when I was a young pup, I was always being downed by others for my mixed blood. And yes, I hear all of your snide ass comments, like you saying that I'll never learn how to read because I have human blood. Well, you're wrong, dammit! Mommy just says that I'm a little "special", that's all. But day after day I sat in my room, staring out the window at the other children, jealous of their social acceptance." Sesshomaru couldn't hold himself back anymore. "Bullshit! We don't have any fuckin' neighbors since there's not another house within five miles of us!" Inuyasha could only blink at being caught in his lie.

"Anyways," he said slowly. "I started thinking of a way to gain power. A way to obtain it quickly with little or no consequences and for the ones that there were, I could ignore until the damage on my body was so great, I'd have to back down. I thought and I thought. Finally, I came up with a solution to my problem. I went down to the kitchen and made myself a sub sandwich. This solved my hunger dilemma. Then I went back to thinking of a way to gain power. And then, yet again, it hit me! I went into the bathroom and took a long dump. During the four hours that I sat there, I came up with another idea. 'Why not learn to balance mom's checkbook to earn brownie points?' So the moment that I got off the pot, and had walked around outside for a half-hour to clear the fumes from around me, I went and did that."

Sesshomaru stared at him again. "What does any of this have to do with you hopping in the dryer?" "Oh, that! Well, if you wanted that story, hell, you should've asked! It sure is quicker. I just got this notion to hop in it to see what would happen, that's all." Inuyasha gave him a kiddie grin again, then poked him in his chest. The force of the lightning blasted him through the wall and he ended up outside in the back gardens. Inuyasha stared at his hands in amazement. "Daaaaam!" He said.

The last thing Sesshomaru saw before he blacked-out was Inuyasha decending upon him. _Aw, fuck. _

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Okay, so will Inuyasha take advantage of his helpless brother? Where exactly _did _Izayoi and Inutaisho go for their vacation? And why the fuck is America so damn concerned over Anna Nichole's baby?! Stay tuned to find out these answers and more, on the next exciting episode of...TALES OF INTEREST!!!!! (Been watching too much Futurama!) 


	6. Breaking Point

Been awhile, yes I know, my bad! Seems like a writers block hit me (not uncommon when you write at random like this!). But I was wondering, has anyone read my reviews lately? Yeah, I know, that's probably one of those "WTF" type of questions, but really, has anyone? Anyone seen what this guy wrote about me? He has nutsacks smarter than I am! Well, ain't that somthin'! How come his nuts arn't on TV? Hell, _I'd _kill to see some ingenious nutsacks, don't know about ya'll! Anyways, I found the whole thing funny, and after a sufficient time where I think everyone else has seen it, I'll delete it (kind of draws unwanted attention, ya know?). Sorry you later folks won't get to see it. Anyways, here's another chapter for his nutsacks to deduce whether this is crap or not. I know that since the rest of you have gone this far though, that you'll like it!

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Breaking Point

Sesshomaru woke up to find that he was staring straight up at the sky, shirtless (ooh, wouldn't I have loved to be there!). _Where the fuck am I? _he thought. _Perhaps the damn kid actually killed me and now I'm in heaven. Wait, can a demon even go to heaven? _He shook his head to try to order his thoughts. "And why the fuck is my back burning?!" He said outloud to himself. He tried to twist around but found that whatever he was on had him pinned. Then a bright glint in his peripheral vision gave his location away.

Inuyasha had fused him to the tin roof of the storage shed. The hot sun was baking him alive. "Ooh, I'm gonna kill that little bastard!" He screamed, thrashing to get free. Just then, a door opened, then banged shut. Someone had come out the house. "How's the weather up there?" Inuyasha called out. "Why don't you come up here and see for yourself?" Sesshomaru seethed. Inuyasha cocked his head to the side. "Oh, I wasn't asking for my benefit, I was asking for yours." Sessshomaru didn't quite get it. The blistering heat was starting to cloud his mind. "Look, just get me the fuck down from here." Inuyasha smirked conspiratorially.

"Sure," he said. Sesshomaru almost blanched. "Wh-what?" "I said sure. Man, maybe you really are hard of hearing." The kid turned around and went back into the house. _Watch that be the last time I see him for the rest of the day, leaving me here to die. Oh, Kami! How will the headlines sound with that one? 'Three year-old hanyou fries nineteen year-old older brother alive.' I wouldn't be able to live that down, even in the afterlife! _He turned his head at the sound of the door opening again. This time, Inuyasha came out with a cup of water in his hands. But the real thing that got Sesshomaru's attention wasn't this; Inuyasha was wearing shoes.

_No, wait, for real? Hallelujah, glory to Kami! He's actually wearing something over his corns! _Even as a baby, Inuyasha had made up his mind never to wear shoes. After a bout last year where he almost kicked out Izayoi's teeth, she finally gave up trying. Inutaisho refused to even try. "Like Izayoi would even let me," he'd said to Sesshomaru. "She'd just say something femalish like "You'll hurt him" or something stupid like that. One of these days, I'm going to knock the hell out of Inuyasha and force him to fight me. Just like I did you," he'd said affectionatly, tussling his hair. "It's the perfect way to get a boy to man-up." Sesshomaru wasn't sure why all of that extra stuff about fighting came with that memory. Perhaps it was because his father had beat the shit out of him everytime they fought. This was definitly in the "repressed memories" category, and did best back there.

Inuyasha hopped up on the shed and walked toward him. Since Inuyasha owned no shoes (what for?), he'd put on a pair of Sesshomaru's. Size twelve's on a size two foot. Senseless. Sesshomaru understood why he put them on (the roof would've baked his feet), but why his? Why not his father's? His mothers--?! When he was close enough, he stopped and stared at Sesshomaru. He held up the glass of water and examined it. "Freedom. A word taken for granted all too often." His gaze shifted to Sesshomaru. "Do you think you deserve freedom, brother?" His calm, lawyer-like persona was making Sesshomaru nervous.

"Do you think you deserve to live after this?" he growled back. Inuyasha gave a smirk very akin to his own. "Sure. I mean, I haven't killed you--yet. And I am going to free you. I was just wondering wheather you believed that you had earned that right." "What the fuck are you talking about?!" Sesshomaru yelled. "Make some damn sense!" Inuyasha only held the cup up once again and looked at it. Then, he suddenly turned it over and poured it on his brother. Static charges immediatly were set loose and shocked Sesshomaru. The water heated quickly on the tin and started sizzling against his skin. That was it.

Red eyes replaced gold ones. Ragged purple stripes replaced red ones. Longer fangs, longer claws, and a bigger attitude to match. Reaching around, Sesshomaru ripped himself from the roof, grabbing a chunk of the tin and throwing it into the yard. He grabbed Inuyasha by his hair and dragged him into the house. "I refuse to take this anymore! I got a place where little snots like you can go. I try to do this one favor for your fat-ass mom, but this is the fucking thanks I get?! Oh, to hell with all of this!"

He quickly located the phone book and flipped through it until he found what he was looking for. He took back his cruel smirk from Inuyasha. In his transfored state, he looked like a hellish beast who'd just thought up a good attack. And he had. "You, you ungracious twerp, are going to daycare." A heavy silence ensued afterward.

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Wow, this was another harder one for me, gomen (I think that's sorry in japanese). Like I had said, I was having some writer's cramps with this (muse issues, you know the deal) and this was probably more like the bedtime story chapter as in just a way to get through one scene to get to one with more action. The daycare thing was what I really wanted to get at. Anyways, nutsacks not included (or any other body part that's not including your brain and fingers!) please review and tell me what you thought! 


	7. The Reason Everyone Needs Car Insurance

Back on the scene with another chapter! Chay! So, read it and weep!

**Sesshomaru: The Reason Everyone Needs Car Insurance**

"D-daycare?" Inuyasha asked in a small voice. Sesshomaru smirked even more. "Yep. They get paid to take care of bad-ass kids like you, while I'm not. Dad and your mom expect me to do this simply because I'm your brother. Ha! Like I'd actually look after _you!_" Inuyasha's ears sagged. "Sesshomaru, you don't love me, do you?" He asked quietly. For the second time that day, actuall dread flooded him. _Aw, fuck._

"Well, it's not to say I don't...um...understand you..." "That's not what I asked. Do you love me?" Inuyasha repeated his question, still in that sad tone. "Oh, come on now! Do you love _me_?" "Yes." That caught Sesshomaru completly off gaurd. Inuyasha raised his eyes to his. "You might not like me and you might treat me like shit a lot of the time, but you havn't tourtured me. All in all, I'd like to think that we really have an _okay _relationship and for that, I love you." Sesshomaru wanted to hug and strangle the kid at the same time. "Alright, alright. Enough of the sappy stuff. You're still going to daycare." Inuyasha looked incredulous for a moment, then gave a resigned sigh. "Oh well. It was worth a try."

Sesshomaru gave him a side glance, then dialed the number in the phone book to call ahead and see if there was still room (I don't think that daycare's take just any amount of kids!). It'd cost him ten dollars/yen out of his allowance/paycheck (for when you get to the working age, most parents will tell you that your paycheck is your allowance), but the cretin was now set to go. Sesshomaru hung up and turned on him. "Go upstairs and put on something presentable." Inuyasha looked down at the _crimson _robe that he always wore. "Already ahead of you." "No, I said something _presentable. _What the fuck is that suppose to be?" "Me." Inuyasha said simply. "Lame-ass sense of fashion, that's what you are," Sesshomaru said. He was still feeling a little vindictive from when Inuyasha had said that his kimono looked bad the moment he put it on.

He decided not to force the change upon the kid. He'd soon learn that bad fashion ment the bottom of the social ladder. Not like his blood hadn't put him there already. He led the way out to the car port (Oh, yeah, I actually have him driving for once!). He opened the back door for Inuyasha, pointing to the car seat that was in it. "How old do you think I am?! Dude, I'm three! I don't need a car seat anymore." He crossed his arms and huffed. "As a safetly precaution, kids should use a safety seat until they're about eight." Sesshomaru informed him. Inuyasha snorted. "Who made this wack ass rule?" "Your mom forced dad to pass that as a law." "Damn, mom! You care too much!" Inuyasha said, climbing in.

Sesshomaru got behind the wheel. _Okay, you can do this. Just remember everything that you've seen dad do. _He reached across the seat and opened the glove compartment. Inside was a pack of Big Red. Grabbing a stick, he popped it in his mouth, chewing noisily. He turned and grabbed his seat belt and sat adjusting the rear-view mirror for about five minutes. "What the fuck is taking so long?!" Inuyasha hollered from the back seat. "Patience, dammit! Don't rush me!" Inuyasha sucked his teeth, making a clicking sound. "Whatever," he said while rolling his eyes. Sesshomaru gave him an annoyed glance in the mirror, then put the key in the ignition (ah, R. Kelly, look what you got me thinking about now?).

Sesshomaru jumped a little when the car started. He adjusted his seat belt again. He played with the mirror some more. He popped another stick of gum. Finally, he felt that he was ready to drive. Using the garage remote that was in the car, he opened the door. Thankfully, his job was already made easier because his father parked the car turned toward the road. Sesshomaru did about five mph going down the driveway. "Oh Kami! I'm going to be as ancient as you by the time we get there! Do you even know how to drive?" Inuyasha questioned. "Yes! Now leave me the fuck alone so I can concentrate!" "You're suppose to know how to drive under all kinds of situations. Like this one!" And here he started singing 100 bottles of sake on the wall. He got to 99 before Sesshomaru reached around and started strangling him.

But the driveway was on a steep slope and his foot was still on gas. The car kept rolling while Sesshomaru kept chocking. "Sess-sessh! Watch...the road!" Inuyasha gagged out. Sesshomaru checked over his shoulder to find the car cruising down the hill. "Oh shit!" He whipped around and took control again. But in his panic, rather than hitting the brakes, he stepped further on the gas. The car shot foreward down the driveway and into the oncoming traffic. _Damn, what's breakes and what's gas?! Why isn't there just buttons for this shit?! _Finally, he simply let his foot off of the gas. But he also let his hands off of the wheel, figuring that the car would gain control on its own. It worked for only a moment. "Look, Izayoi! No hands!" he laughed. Until the car made a steady left and started running over Izayoi's flower bushes that lined the driveway.

"Oooohhh! Mommy's gonna kill you!" Inuyasha goaded from his seat. _No, dad's gonna kill me! _Sesshomaru thought. _Whatever Izayoi wants, Izayoi gets and he's gonna have a cow when he see's this. Or perhaps he'll just take Totosai's. _The car ran off into traffic, running about three red lights before coming to a halt. Between the fact that he was a maniac driver, and that he had the flags on the side of the car to show his status (or rather his father's), people were swerving all over trying to avoid him. The result was a major _Final Destination 2_-like pile-up.

A/N: Been awhile since one of these, eh? Anyways, if you havn't seen Final Destination 2, it's okay. Just know that Sesshomaru's horrible driving caused a huge pile-up. But nobody was hurt in the making of this chapter!

Sesshomaru poked his head up out of the sun roof, examining the damage. He had hit someone but didn't remember when or who. He looked over at the wreakage. _Opps. _"My bad!" he called out, then quickly got back in and drove off. "Wow, that was amazing!" Inuyasha said. "Dude, you just did a hit and run! Now we're really on the lam! Just a couple of bandits trying to beat the law! We're Bonnie and Clyde!" "You're Bonnie," Sesshomaru said. Inuyasha was about to protest, but Sesshomaru stopped him. "Besides, we _are _the law. So you're basically saying that we're running from ourselves." Inuyasha pondered this for a moment. "Damn, ain't think of it like that." "Yeah, you never do."

They drove on toward the daycare, Inuyasha hoping for more heart-pacing action, Sesshomaru hoping to simply get there alive.

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So, there you have it! I have a bigger plan for all of this, so don't worry if these chapters seem to not add up. Well, review and tell me your thoughts! 


	8. New Kid on the Block

Back on the scene with another exciting episode! Oh, wait, these are just chapters, my bad! Anyways, please read 'em, like 'em, and review 'em! And one last thing...this chapter has something that might be quite offensive to some people...something a child says in this chapter. Remember, it's all for comedy's sake! No flames!

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New Kid on the Block

The drive to the daycare was longer than any drive to a daycare should've been. Twice Sesshomaru had to stop for directions, constantly glancing at a road map the whole time. Inuyasha tried to liven up the trip with a game of "I Spy." "I spy with my little eye," he said to Sesshomaru, "Something...white." Sesshomaru rolled his eyes with the easiness of this one. "My hair." "No!" Inuyasha giggled. "_Your _hair." "Nope!" "My kimono." "That ugly thing? Hell no!" Sesshomaru gritted his teeth. _Go ahead, make fun of it one more time and see if I don't slap the shit out of you. _"Okay, then. How about...the clouds?" "Uh-uh." Sesshomaru was starting to lose his patience. "The dice on the mirror?" Inuyasha smiled hugely. "Still no. Give up?" Sesshomaru wasn't about to let this kid get the better of him.

"No," he said. _Hmm...white...white..._ He glanced around for another hint. Nothing as far as he could see. _Damnit! _"Fine," he sighed. "What is it?" "That white car we passed." Sesshomaru froze, then stared at him over his shoulder. "What?" "Do you remember when we passed that white convertable? That's the car." "That was over an hour ago! It's not 'I Spy' if it's some shit you saw from the past!!" Sesshomaru shouted. Inuyasha only smiled. "Fine, I'll pick something more _current _then. I spy...something white." "If it's that damn convertable..." Sesshomaru started, but Inuyasha cut him off. "It isn't. And further more, it's in this car."

Sesshomaru went over the same checklist he went through the last time, the hair, the clothes, even a napkin he found of the floor. Still no go. "Inuyasha, does this thing really exist?" He had to ask; the kid was about that age where they started making imaginary friends. Thankfully, Inuyasha hadn't done that yet. Yet. "Yes, I can see it and you can see it. If you look in the right places." Sesshomaru had just about had it with this riddle. "How about your ears?" "That's too simple of a spot, think past the obvious." "My teeth?" Inuyasha gave a loud snort at this. "Ha! Yeah the fuck right!" _Don't hit him, don't hit him, don't hit him... _Sesshomaru chanted.

"Okay, so once again I give up. Where is this white thing that you spot?" "Your eyes." A pause; then: "What?" Sesshomaru asked. "Your eyes." "My eyes-_our _eyes, are golden." "No, the whites of your eyes. Get it? The whites of your eyes!" Inuyasha fell over in a fit of laughter. But Sesshomaru had to hand it to the kid, the location was ingenious. 'Only if you look in the right places.' Sesshomaru couldn't see the whites of his own eyes unless he looked in a mirror or saw his reflection. _A three year old just beat me in I Spy. This is truely a sad day in demon history. _

Finally, two and a half hours after they had begun, they neared the daycare. It was way off in the northern mountains for some strange, odd reason. He drove up the winding road that led to it, a small structure tucked off near the sumit. As he pulled up to the doors, a figure came out to greet them. "Welcome!" Sesshomaru and Inuyasha got out, Sesshomaru bowing respectfully to the person since they were his senior by many years. Inuyasha on the other hand, only said, "Man, this place looks like a piece of shit." Sesshomaru quickly slapped his head, making him do a half-assed bow. "I'm happy that you could accomodate my little brother on such a short notice, Lady Kaede." (I'm sure everyone saw that coming!).

Kaede waved his words off. "No matter. Now, that'll be 3000 yen." Sesshomaru's face fell. "What kind of wack-ass price is that?!" Kaede examined her nails as if they were the most important thing in the world, and said in a nonchalant voice, "Unless you can find another daycare center around here," emphasizing on the fact that they were in the middle of nowhere. Sesshomaru sighed and got out his wallet. "So why the fuck did you tell me it was 10 yen?" "Oh, that was just for the call. I don't really have an actuall phone up here. I use the payphone over there." She pointed to a lonely payphone about a hundred yards away from the daycare.

A/N: Ignore the fact that I'm switching back and forth between money currencies, please!

"$10 for a friggin' phone call?! Why don't you just re-locate?" "The mountain air does my old bones some good." "Ooookay," Sesshomaru said slowly. "What about sonas or something?" "Costs too much." "_You _cost too much!" "Like I said, you can always go somewhere else. A two-hour drive for nothing." Sesshomaru gritted his teeth. "Fine. I'll send an I.O.U." He got back in the car and Kaede gently led Inuyasha inside the daycare. Outside, they could hear the engine turn, a loud back-fire, a hacking cough, and then the car died. A moment later, a furious Sesshomaru came storming in.

"Kami dammit! Go figure the fucking thing's out of gas! Piece of shit car with shit for milage and a peice of shit driver who doesn't know how to refill the damn thing!" The other children stopped and stared at the grown up/teenager who was throwing a fit akin to one of their own. After a while, he straightened out and looked around in surprise. "Oh, did I say all that out loud?" He asked sheepishly. Kaede gave a nod, then put Inuyasha in front of her. "Everybody, listen up. This here's Inuyasha. Considering that his father gives me my pay checks, I'd like all of you to be nice to him." Here, she gave a small shove to him, encouraging him to socialize. Sesshomaru smirked to himself and pulled up a way too small chair. Seems like there was only one chair ment for someone his size and Kaede was hogging it with no intentions of getting back up. He sighed and took his seat.

Inuyasha shuffled slowly toward no particular direction. Really, he was headed toward a small plastic tub filled with lincoln logs. Right before he reached them, a kid with long dark hair and crimson eyes snatched them up. "Mine! Don't touch!" He shrieked at Inuyasha. He possessively hugged the container to his chest, daring Inuyasha to try to take them. "You were over there playing with cars. How come now you want to play with the logs?" Inuyasha asked him. Maybe he could try to reason with this kid. "I want to play with them now." Inuyasha shook his head slowly. "Fine, have 'em. I'll play with something else." He headed over to the cars that the boy had just played with, but in an instant, he had flown across the room and taken those, too.

"Listen, not everything here is yours!" Inuyasha shouted. Another boy with dark hair raised his head up from playing with a marbles set. "Yeah, Naraku. Lady Kaede said share." "Lady Kaede can suck my one inch dick, for all I care." All movement in the room stopped. "I know ye did not say what I think he said." Kaede said. Naraku turned slowly toward her. "No, ma'am. That was Miroku. You know how much of a pervert he is." Kaede looked at Miroku now. "Yes, that is so. But that was Naraku's voice I heard and so it is Naraku who will bear the punishment." She got up, grabbed Naraku by his arm, and led him to a corner of the room, him kicking and screaming.

Sesshomaru gave another sigh. _Kami, I might as well have left Inuyasha at home. Now I gotta listen to a whole group of little brats annoy the hell out of each other? It just never stops, does it? _

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Well, I guess to explain Sesshomaru's situation, he hopped out of the frying pan and into the fire! Oh, and did anyone notice where I got the idea of Kaede's location? Years down the road this won't make sense, but I'm quite sure everyone's seen that skittles commercial where the guy goes to buy a pack of skittles and the man behind the counter says "$300." The other guy goes, "$300?" and the other man says, "Unless you'd like to buy your skittles...somewhere else around here." And the funny thing is, they're on a cloud in the middle of nowhere. There's not another cloud in sight and it leaves you to wonder, was that supposed to be heaven or something? And how the fuck did he get up there in the first place?! Anyways, please review and tell me what you thought of this! 


	9. Cookie Girl Drama

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...

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Cookie-Girl Drama

(enjoy!)

With the lincoln logs un-assed by Naraku, Inuyasha started to play with them. A moment later, a pretty little girl with a green and white skirt outfit walked up to him. "Cookie?" she asked him. She couldn't have been no more than two. "Cookie?" Inuyasha asked her. She nodded. "Sure," he said. The girl smiled hugely, then looked as though she were waiting. "So...where's the cookie?" Inuyasha said. The girl stopped smiling and looked confused. "Cookie?" she asked. "Do you want a cookie or--" She cut him off right there, nodding and smiling more than ever now. "Well, I don't have one. I thought you were going to give me one." Without a backwards glance, the girl turned around and left, going over to another girl who was playing with a barbie.

A/N: I'm sure everyone knows that the little girl was Kagome, right?

_What the hell was all that about? _He shrugged it off and started building a small replica of the western palace. The boy called Miroku moved on over to another little girl, the one that the girl in the green and white was playing with. Sitting down next to her, he put his arm around her shoulder. "You're my woman, Sango, so let's play house." Sango stared at him for a while. Then she reached around and picked up a little yellow and black twin-tailed kitten. "Kirara, get him." The cat jumped on his face and commenced to scratching, sending Miroku screaming and running around the daycare. Sango and Kagome exchanged glances, then went back to their dolls.

After a while, Kirara left Miroku alone and the center got quiet. Naraku was let out of the corner and instead of trying to steal Inuyasha's toys again, headed over to a girl who had been playing alone the whole time. She wore a red and white kimono and kept swiping a fan around, looking as though she were trying to do some kind of geisha dance; that, and muttering to herself. They whispered to each other, throwing furtive glances at Inuyasha the whole while. "If you got something to say to me, be kid enough to say it to my face!" Inuyasha yelled at them. They both stuck their tounges out at him and turned around, continuing to whisper.

A/N: Do I have to say it? I'm sure everyone already knows that this girl is Kagura!

Kaede sat watching everything from the front of the room. Sesshomaru's legs had quickly grown cramped from sitting in the childish chair and he had gotten up to move around and re-build his cirrculation. He paused to look at some of the crude drawings the children had made. There was one of a young woman in demon slayer's apparel riding a large cat-looking animal and holding a huge boomerang. Sesshomaru didn't get it. Then there was another one where this boy had his arms around two women who were looking adoringly up into his face, while around him were at least six or seven more. Sesshomaru had to smirk to himself and wonder what did kids know of sex at that age?

The last drawing was of a seemingly elderly woman with a knife sticking out of her back, her eyes lifeless and a puddle of blood surrounding her body. A little boy stood on top of her with a speech-bubble coming from him saying, "What now, be-yotch!" There was no doubt that that was supposed to be Naraku and Kaede. Completly out of bordome, Sesshomaru started looking for the arts and crafts materials. He found them in a plastic basket on a table. Rather than sitting down in one of the chairs, he took a seat on the floor, grabbed some paper, glue, scissors, and other items, and began making his own "masterpiece."

The children noticed him and went over to see what he was making. "I bet it's going to be something stupid, like a house or something," Kagura said. "Uh-uh," Sango said. "It's probably going to be something magnificent, like a unicorn." "Man, that's wack," Naraku interjected. "I bet it's going to be something ugly, like yo mama!" All hell broke loose. Between Sango and Kirara beating Naraku senseless and the others cheering for who they wanted to win (well, actually, everyone was on Sango's side), Sesshomaru finally finished his project. The fighting stopped so everyone could see it.

"An oragami crane?! That's your great sculpture?!" Inuyasha screamed at him. "I'd like to see you make one," Sesshomaru said simply. Pulling something on the top of it, the wings started moving, as though the bird were flying. Everyone "oohed" and "aahhed" at it. Across the room, Kaede stood up and clapped her hands. "Okay, snack time." Sesshomaru was quickly forgotten in the stampede of kids rushing to get to the snack tables. Kaede passed out animal crackers and a juice box to each child. Despite the fact that each person got the same thing, there was still an argument to be made.

"How come you got a lion and I didn't?" A little girl with a yellow checked kimono on complained (Rin). "Lady Kaede, I want a lion animal cracker too!" Kaede sighed and reached into the tin and pulled out a lion animal cracker. Her charity did not go un-noticed. "Hey, how come she got more than me?" Miroku whined. The other children followed suit. Kaede tryed satisfying all of them, but they all were being picky and just _had _to have this cracker or that. She finally snapped. "I don't give a damn what the fuck ye wants! Be grateful that you're even eating! I don't have to feed you! Like I really want to be spending _my _food stamps on _you!_" The kids were on the hush-mouth after that.

Later on, after snack time, Kaede ordered everyone to take a nap. "You don't necessarily have to go to sleep, but you sure as hell won't be up making noise and worrying me none." Naraku laid on a far side of the room, away from everyone else. Miroku had stratigically placed his sleeping mat to where Sango was on his left, Kagome was on his right, and Kagura's mat was above his. _My dream of being surrounded by beautiful women has finally come true! Oh, thank you Buddha! _Inuyasha settled down on another side of the room. Just as he felt he was dozing off, Kagome came over and chatted with him. "Cookie?" She asked him again. "No, I don't have a cookie," Inuyasha said tiredly. "Go away." But she wasn't taking no for an answer. "Cookie?" She asked again. "I said no! Leave me the fuck alone!" She sat down next to him and started patting his shoulder. "Cookie? Cookie!" Then she laid down and put her head on his chest. Inuyasha immediatly started blushing.

_Whoa, my little brother is running more game than I've ran in my entire life! _Sesshomaru thought._ Yes sir, I'm definitly beating his ass when we get back home. Whenever that is. _Miroku sat up on his mat and stared at him. "Damn! How'd you get her to do that?!" Inuyasha turned to him. "You want her? Take her!" Miroku got up and started pulling Kagome back, but she grabbed the front of Inuyasha's shirt. "COOKIE!!!" She screamed at him. "I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING COOKIES!!!!!" Inuyasha screamed back, causing Kaede and all of the other children to gasp. Well, all of the others except Kagura, who said nothing, and Naraku, who muttered, "That's right, show that bitch who's boss."

Kagome started shaking Inuyasha back and forth, demanding a cookie. "Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie!" She yelled. He wrenched away from her. "Why don't you go and bother someone else for a cookie?! You know what, here," he pulled something out of his kimono sleeve. "I was saving this for later, but now I see that cookies are your crack. Here,take it. And be happy!" The little girl was starting to cry do to the tone of his voice. "I said, be happy!!" Inuyasha shouted at her. She put on a teary-eyed smile and walked away, nibbling on the animal cracker.

"Fuckin' retard," Inuyasha said. Sesshomaru kneeled beside him. Putting a hand on his shoulder, he said, "Ah, that's love for ya. Some girl who only wants you for what you have. And as soon as she gets it, she's like dust in the wind. You see 'em every now and then, but you don't say nothing to them." Inuyasha blinked at him. "Sessh, that made no sense. Unless you can tell the difference between grains of dirt. And then you also have to talk to it. But I think I get what you're saying. You're saying that you don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Sesshomaru stared at him, slapped him lightly up side the head, then walked off.

Inuyasha gave a deep sigh. _Man, if girls are really like that, I'm never having a girlfriend. But mother told me that men are just like that too. What's a kid to do? _He gave another deep sigh, rolled over, and took a nap.

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Well, out a little later than had hoped, my bad! But I hoped ya'll liked it! Do the dew and review (oh yeah, I just made a hit-line! But the do the dew part...that could land me a few law suits...though I'm not gettting paid for this...so...yeah...)! 


	10. Llama Drama

Birthday's now passed and it feels good to be eighteen! Actually, that's a lie. I feel no different now than when I was seventeen. And I only collected $22, twenty of it coming from my mom! But it was nice having people even stick their heads out of their cars to yell happy birthday to me! Anyways, this is irrelevant. Read it, like it, love it!

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Llama Drama  
(yeah, two drama chapters! But it rhymed so I had to put it here!)

"Look honey, isn't it magnificent?" Izayoi said in a breathless whisper. Inutaisho joined her at her side and scoffed. You mean to tell me you drove me all the way out here to see _this?_ We flew on a cramped ass plane for seventy-two hours, I was detained in customs because they figured that my average-sized deoderant was too big and could have been a bomb, I was humiliated when my electric razor was some how turned on and they said it was a dildo, we then drove for another eight hours on roads in the middle of nowhere (and I swear I saw Wile E. Coyote chasing Roadrunner), the car broke down on the way so we had to catch a ride with a bunch of hippies singing Vietnam songs like "Sweet Home Alabama" with the inside of the van being so vibrant I couldn't sleep, when we finally did get here, I couldn't ride a horse like you, nooo, they just happened to be out, but they had a llama in store. A fucking llama! What the fuck is a llama?! The damn thing was more cantankerous than an old woman and _spat at me!!! _So of course you know I don't play like that so I spat at the thing back! And do you know that damn llama hawked a loogey on me!!!"

Lord Inutaisho was now huffing in his rant. But he continued. "And as if that wasn't bad enough, the stupid beast was walking too close to the edge of the trail! This thing winds up for hundreds of feet meaning one wrong step and that's your life. Literally, that's _your _life, not mine. But still! So for another hour, I have to endure this nasty, rude-ass creature in the blazing sun all to reach the sumit and look down upon _this_! The Grand Canyon is nothing more than a huge fucking ditch! If I wanted to see that, I could've used Dragon Twister with Sounga and stayed at home!"

A/N: I never really explain Sounga in my stories since I figure that people have already seen the third movie, but it's just a very demonic sword that Inutaisho had possesed. Dragon Twister was its main move and when used, could cut out huge chunks of land. Just figured I'd clarify!

Izayoi stared at him with a hurt expression. "But I thought you wanted to come here." "You said that we were going to Vegas. I don't remember anything about coming to see the Grand Canyon." "So I took a little detour, big deal. Did it kill you to see a little nature?" "Just about!" Inutaisho huffed in an Inuyasha-like way. He glanced over his shoulder to look behind him and locked eyes with his llama. It spat again in his face. "That's it! I'm about to find out what a llama steak tastes like!" He lunged for the animal, but the tour guide stopped him.

"Don't! Llama's are an endangered species!" Inutaisho paused and slowly turned to him. "What?! Llama's?! Like anyone would ever want to to hunt _them! _I mean, what the fuck does a llama have to offer? Spit?" "They're very valuable for their hair. In Europe, they're becoming very known as a car interior." Inutaisho held up a hand and shook his head in disbelief. "Wait a minute. I've heard of people having chinchilla, but llama? Who the fuck would want to sit on llama?" "Evidently Europeans," the guide said. "Now that's just sick," Inutaisho said, walking away before he made good on his threat to the llama.

"Come on, Izayoi. We're leaving." Slot machines and strippers danced before his eyes. He didn't hear any footsteps behind him. Izayoi wasn't following. "We just got here!" She cried. "God, Izayoi. What the fuck is so interesting about this? Perhaps it's because you humans never get the satisfaction of feeling bigger than life and this stupid ditch gives you that sensation. Well, kudos to you!" She glared at him. "I thought we were going to spend some time together. Now I see that this whole vacation was all about you! It's always about what the fuck Inutaisho wants, just forget about his wife and mate of six hundred years!"

Inutaisho rolled his eyes. "Please don't start that now, Izayoi. Besides, you wanted to go to Vegas as much as I did. Like you don't want to watch the chippendale dancers." She looked at him with a shocked expression. "Why would I want to look at them? I have you." Here Inutaisho gave her a look that read clearly: bullshit. "Uh-huh. But you nearly all but kiss the TV screen when that commerical with that guy stripping with those other dancers comes on. You even made up a name for him...what was it? Mark? Steve? Either way, you can't deny you don't want that." "Well, I..." Izayoi stuttered. "Do I strip for you?" "Do _I _for you?" Izayoi countered him. "No, which is just why we need to go. The sooner we get there, the sooner we'll both get what we want. We're not cheating on each other, so what's there to be ashamed about?"

Izayoi seemed reassured by this. She handed the reins of her horse to the guide, waiting for Inutaisho to do the same. He looked over to where the llama was looking for some grass to chew on. "Look at it. Just abiding its time before another attack. Well take this!" He ran over to it and shoved it over the edge. It's bleated cry followed by an awkward thud resounded off the canyon walls. Grabbing Izayoi, Inutaisho warped into a sphere of light akin to Sesshomaru's and disappeared before anyone could stop them, heading off to sin city.

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Been a moment, but hey it's out! Perhaps not as funny as what I'm used to writng, but people wanted to know about Inutaisho and Izayoi and here they are, getting spat on by llama's and killing them in the same day! But I'm really an animal lover and would never condone in such an act of violence! Anyways, please review and tell me what you thought of the chapter! 


	11. Puppy Love

You know, I just now thought of something. In a previous chapter, I said that Kagura was the one who had sent Sesshomaru a message on Myspace talking about "You're in my heart." But here in the past few chapters, I've had her as a child! Ah, my randomness had almost gotten the better of me! You don't necessarily have to put a picture of yourself on Myspace, so let's say that though she was on the site, it wasn't her real picture that he could see, so he didn't really know how old Kagura was. She's a bit above average for a toddler, okay? Okay! So, get along readin' little doggies!

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An hour passed as the time set for the children's naps. One by one, they woke up and began to continue their activites as though they were never interrupted. Inuyasha was the last to rise, fearful of Kagome pestering him again. When he saw that she had once again taken up playing with Sango, he breathed a sigh of relief and looked for his brother.

Sesshomaru wasn't in the room. Walking over to Kaede, he asked, "Where's Sesshy?" Kaede looked like she was in a daze. Her eyes were closed and she had a faint smile on her face. "Now, now, Mr. Trump, don't you worry about your wife finding us none. I gave her a $500 gift card for Bed, Bath, and Beyond." Inuyasha gasped, then hurried to the front door. Looking out, at the far end of the mountain, Sesshomaru stood inside a phone booth, deep in conversation.

Inuyasha made his way closer so he could hear better. "No, I don't want a tow truck sent, just get your ass up here!...Yes I said up! The fucking car broke down on a mountain!...The crazy old bat who runs the place thinks the mountain air helps her or something, I don't know!...Dammit, Jaken! As my valet, it is your job to bring the car to me when I request it, even if that distance is over 200 miles!...No sooner than three hours?! An old man with prostate cancer can probably have an orgasm quicker than you could get up here!... Fine, just get here!" He hung up abruptly. Turning around he saw Inuyasha staring up at him with wide eyes.

"Sesshy, are we gonna be stuck here forever?" Inuyasha asked him. "Hell if I know. Jaken's known to be rebellious. Remember that time that he was supposed to take you trick-or-treating and instead took you to his community valet Halloween party? Yeah, it was that right there that made dad lose his inventation to Bill Gates' slumber party." "Wait, Bill Gates has slumber parties?" Sesshomaru gave him an incredulous look. "You mean you didn't know? All the major names in business have one. Ted Turner, Hugh Heffner, Oprah Winfrey, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Whoopi Goldberg, Bill Clinton, and a hell of a lot more! God, you're completly cluesless." Sesshomaru snorted and walked back to the daycare. "Wow, who knew?" Inuyasha mumbled to himself, following his brother.

As soon as Sesshomaru entered the building, all the kids got up and ran over to him. "Piggy-back ride! Give me a piggy-back ride!" Kagome demanded of him. First one brother, then the other. Yep, keeping it in the family... Kagura pulled so hard on his pants that his obi started to come undone and his boxers began to show. Immediatly, the girls fell into fits of hysteric screams and laughter. "Oh, come on, girls. You're gonna get me a charge!" He straightened his clothes, but they wouldn't let him go. Miroku hopped on his back and started pulling his hair. Naraku kicked him in his knee caps and sent him falling like a tree to the ground. "Timber!" He shouted, causing the others to scatter. He fell first on his un-injured knee, then onto his side. There he lay, twitching like an epileptic.

And a free for all it was! Miroku contined pulling on his hair, the girls kept pulling at his clothes, and Naraku kept kicking him. Finally, Sesshomaru shrugged them all off. "Leave me alone! For the love of Kami, please, no more! My body is fragile and bruises easily! If my good looks are damaged, Father won't be able to enter me into the Beautiful Bishounen competition, which I win every year, and my rep will be ruined!" Inuyasha face-palmed at his brother's comment.

As a last ditch effort to escape the annoying snots, Sesshomaru transformed into a smaller version of his true demon form. He had started running from the kids, but Naraku hopped on his back. "Yaw, bitch, yaw!" he shouted, slapping his ass to get him going. Sesshomaru came to a grinding halt. _'Hold up!' _He spoke to Naraku, who he could only hope could hear him. _'I _know _you did not just slap my ass!' _He turned his head to everyone else. _'Did ya'll see that too? Tell me this didn't just happen!' _"Yeah, it happened all right," Inuyasha smirked. Naraku laughed and grabbed Sesshomaru's ears, digging his heels in his side to make him start running again. Sesshomaru wouldn't be moved. _'Last time I checked, this wasn't _Broke-Back Mountain_! I've been molested by a child!'_

Kaede got up and grabbed Naraku and pulled him off of Sesshomaru. "Why do you insist on annoying me, woman?!" He screamed at her. "Your day's are already limited! I don't know how limited, I'd have to check my schedule, but they're limted. You will rue the day you messed with the all mighty Naraku! Well...start rueing!" Kagura walked up to him and whispered something in his ear. He turned his eyes toward the door, as a car pulled away. Everyone else saw it too, and for the moment, Sesshomaru was forgotton. Always needing to be the center of attention, this was not something that he was used to. He hung his head, whined, then laid down on the floor.

Whoever it was that was just arriving had emense powers. Any dumb-ass could see that, due to the aura around them. "Oh my god, It's Jesus!" Miroku said, immediatly throwing himself to the floor." "I thought you were Buddhist," Sango said. "Yeah, well, that was just a front my father told me to use if ever I needed a place to stay the night. But this...He's come again!" The person stepped closer. Miroku inched closer and started kissing their feet. "My lord, I will follow you till the end of the world, I will." Everyone rolled their eyes. "Ain't he just the biggest suck-up you've ever seen." Kagura commented.

The person who's feet Miroku was kissing, kicked him. "But, I thought you liked having people kiss your feet?" Miroku asked feebly. The person ignored him and walked farther into the daycare. Without the bright afternoon light shadowing their features, it quickly became clear who the new-comer was. "Kikyou!" Inuyasha gasped. "You know this girl?" Kagome asked with a hand on her hip. Inuyasha did a double take at her. "Wait, you can say more than just cookie?" Kagome ignored his question. "So, you know her?" She stared at him with a piercing gaze. "Um...uh, yeah. You know, I've seen her around." The truth was, Inuyasha had done more than just seen her around. He'd gone to the park near his house as often as possible just to meet up with her. His idea of fun was bringing her mud pies; her idea of fun was watching him dote on him with unreturned attention.

Kikyou strutted past the awed crowd, past Kagome, purposely bumping into her. Kagome curled up her fists and whispered, "Oh, you done messed with the wrong one, bitch. I wish you would run up in these hands, I wish you would!" Kikyou kept walking until she was in front of Inuyasha. "Inuyasha," she said simply. "K-Kikyou," he stammered. The priestess looked him up and down, then absently scratched one of his ears. "That's it!" Kagome shouted. "Don't lay another hand on him!" Kikyou only gave her a glance over her shoulder, much like Sesshomaru would do. Then she put her other hand on his other ear! "I'm warning you! Don't make another move!" Kagome said, taking a step foreward.

Kikyou then grabbed the front of Inuyasha's shirt and pulled him closer. Kagome couldn't hold back any longer. She charged with all the rage of a bull. The rest of the kids circled around them to watch the fight. Would Kikyou win? Would Kagome win? Would Sesshomaru ever get his spot-light back? Will Anna Nichole's baby daddy and her child ever be left alone? Find out on the next exciting episode of Dragon Ball Z! Opps, wrong show...!

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On the real tip though (god, I sound like my older brother!), who do you think will win the fight? Well, you'll just have to wait until my next chapter...whenever that will be...uh, yeah...Anyways, click that little button under this and review. Well, it's a little button for For my Mediaminer members, you'll have to click something else, but you get the picture! Go on, you'll feel much better afterwards! You know you want to! Ah, there! Now don't you feel good about yourself? Well, you should! But please, do review! 


	12. Whup Dat Trick!

Wow, this is a long one! But, I pray that it's interesting enough for you! It's one of my more random peices (mostly due to the fact that some damn kid was breathing down my neck trying to use our computer. I can't write like that! Really pisses me off!), but here it is! So, who do you think will win the fight? Ah, you'll have to read to find out!

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"Aaaaaaaahhhhh!" Kagome screamed as she charged Kikyou. Kikyou removed her hands from Inuyasha's head, but didn't get into a fighting stance. "Aaaaaaaahhhhh!" Kagome continued to scream. When she got up to her, she paused. "Okay, I have nothing," She admited. Kikyou blinked, yawned, checked her finger nails, then started wailing off on Kagome. The little girl fell to the floor and crumbled up into a ball. "Get up, Kagome!" Sango screamed. "Don't let her beat you! Think about what she'll do with your man! Whup dat trick!"

The chant of "Whup dat trick!" went up as the kids chanted for who they wanted to win. Kagura and Naraku voted for Kikyou to win. But that was to be expected since they didn't like Kagome. Said girl continued to ball up on the floor. Not being able to take seeing her friend in trouble, Sango jumped in and started pulling on Kikyou's hair. Kagome got up and started kicking Kikyou's shins. "Oh, ya'll done made this an unfair fight!" Kagura said and whipped out her fan. Swinging it, she shouted, "Dance of the dragon!" The strong winds that came with the attack dispersed everyone that was fighting.

"Now, last time I checked, these two pathetic priestesses wanted to fight over that even more pathetic hanyou. And that's what I want to see! Not all of this jumping in and helping each other shit, so Sango, stay the hell out of this!" She threw a threatening glare at the soon-to-be demon slayer. The other girl sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes, but otherwise didn't comment. Kagome and Kikyou squared up again, circling each other like wrestlers.

The table that had been used for snack time an hour ago was transformed into something like a concession stand. Juice, animal crackers, small peices of fruit and other things were laid out with price tags on them ranging anywhere from $1 to $5. "Might as well make me a little extra change on the side," Kaede said to herself. A few of the children ambled over and gave up the little money given to them that was supposed to teach them how to manage money wisely. So much for that.

Sesshomaru, who had been quietly watching all of this, decided that this was the perfect chance to get back in the lime-light. He went back to the arts and crafts section and wrote a few things on large peices of paper. He set them on a table for the moment. Giving a slight smirk, he went back to the crowd of kids and walked through the middle of the "ring". There he stopped. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the first annual Fresh and So Clean Daycare Center wrestling event. In this corner," Here he gestured to Kagome to his left, "Sporting the green and white outfit, weighing in at fifty pounds, she loves dolls, cookies, and evidently now, my little brother, it's Kaaaaaagome!" The cheers for her went up, along with her boo's.

Sesshomaru raised both of his hands to quite everyone. "And in this corner," he pointed to Kikyou with his right hand, "We hardly know her. Weighing in at about fifty pounds as well, I happen to know that her father's a total bastard (Won't let me borrow you're convertable, fuck you then!), she likes to hold lemonade sales with the e's spelled ass-backwards (that shit ain't cute!) and she believes that she deserves my mutt of a brother, it's Kiiiiiikyou!" The room errupted with negative comments. Her two fans had changed their minds about cheering for her. "Boo, bitch!" Naraku shouted at her, throwing his juice and apple at her. Her anger caused her aura to flare out much like a demon's youki. The power shredded the items.

Sesshomaru went and retrieved the signs he had made. On the first one were the words "Round 1." Walking along the crowd, he flashed them off, much the same way as the women who do the job do it. Well, he still looked decent while doing it, none of that tying his shirt back stuff. Kikyou was sitting in a chair on one side of the circle, while Kaede attended to her. "So far, we've only seen her curl up on the floor, but she's probably not going to do that anymore. Watch out for her right hand, that's what she uses half the time." She put cooking oil on her forehead and cheeks so Kagome's punches would slid off.

On the other side, Kagome was getting the same speech from Sango. "Now that we've seen what she's got, we know what to expect. Her power's immense, so be careful not to stay too close to her for too long. Do a one-two, then back out. Do a little dippin' and dodgin' if you have to, just don't curl up on the floor and take an ass-beating again." She put a mouth peice in her mouth (where the hell it came from is beyond everyone there. Not that they really noticed it but...). A timer used for baking went off and the girls sprang to their feet.

Kikyou got up nonchalantly, but Kagome had a fierce determined look on her face, refusing to be beaten this time. Then, as though planned, the girls rushed foreward. Kikyou started wind-milling her hands, and Kagome had her head down, scratching in random directions. One blow from her hit Inuyasha. One from Kikyou hit Miroku's crotch. He fell to the floor, grimacing at first, then smiling. "I'm never washing there again," he said in a half-dreamy voice. Kikyou and Kagome grabbed hair, clothes, anything they could get their hands on.

"You can't have my man!" Kagome screamed. "You're just mad because he don't want you! I mean, didn't you die? Why the hell couldn't you just stay dead!" Kikyou snagged the red handkerchief around Kagome's outfit and pulled her closer. "Listen here, damnit! I had him first! The only reason he _thinks _he likes you, is because you look like me! Had it not been for that, do you think he would've even thought about wanting _you?!_" She pushed Kagome away and stood back to give the girl time to answer.

"Yeah," She said slowly. Kikyou put a hand on her hip and gave her an indignant look. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" Kagome countered. "I mean, I look good...for a kid." Kikyou spluttered. "You?! I'm too pretty to laugh. Kaede, laugh derisively at Kagome for me." "Ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha," Kaede said, in a bored voice. "If ye is not going to fight, will ye two stop acting like they will?" "All in good time, little sister, all in good time," Kikyou said. Inuyasha stepped into the ring.

"Stop all the madness! If it's me you want, then you can have me! I won't let my comrades suffer all because of one person!" "What the fuck are you talking about?" Sesshomaru asked him, chewing noisily on an animal cracker, crumbs spilling all on his clothes. "Oh, wrong speech!" Inuyasha said. "What I ment to say was, that I don't want either of you two! Kagome, you only wanted me once you knew I had a cookie. And Kikyou, Kagome's right. You're dead! I don't do the necrophiliac thing. I'll leave that for Naraku." Naraku looked like he was about to attack, but then sat back. "Yeah, he's right, I like em' dead." He admitted with a sheepish grin.

Kikyou and Kagome gave a shocked stare at Inuyasha. "You really don't want either of us?" Kagome asked in a small voice. "I mean, that means that you see _her _at the same level as me, and we are definitly not equals!" "Not necessarily," Inuyasha stated. "It just means, neither of you are good enough for me." "And besides," Kaede interjected. "You're never supposed to fight over a man anyways. If he dosen't want you, let him go. You're worth more than that, so don't settle for such trash anyways." The girls nodded at her wise words.

"That's right, boy, we don't need you any damn ways." Kagome said. "I can do bad all by myself," She added. "That's right, learn a woman's worth!" Kikyou said. "Oh Kami! Inuyasha, what have you done?!" Sesshomaru said, finishing off the tin of animal crackers. "A female revolution is the worse kind of protest you could get. Damn, I feel sorry for you." Again, Inuyasha was happy that he was not yet of dating age. And when the day and age did come...well, he'd worry about that then.

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Not what you were expecting, huh? Yeah, since I really don't care for either Kagome or Kikyou, I didn't want to take sides. So, I know a hell of a lot of people are probably disappointed (some wanted to see a Kikyou bashing, some wanted to see Kagome lying in a puddle of her own blood...), but this is the way the cookie crumbled (Kagome wouldn't have liked that!). Anwyas, review and tell me how disappointed or shocked or whatever you were! 


	13. Money is the Motivation

Long time since I've updated, I know. But my imagination blew out on me this chapter. And also, I'm in the middle of writing another story (read my current profile, you'll know what I mean). Anyways, still I hope you enjoy this!

**Money is the Motivation**

(Just a line from a Lil Wayne song)

Las Vegas wasn't anything that the couple had expected it to be. Yeah, the magic shows were interesting (to Izayoi. Inutaisho could do those tricks, and then some) and the food was good too ("Not better than what the chefs at home make," Inutaisho complained). But what really worsened the trip was when he got to finally see his beloved strippers.

They had went their seperate ways at about eight o'clock that evening (though it's still daytime at the daycare! Different time zones...though there's still some issues with this!). Well, actually, going their seperate ways is a pretty strong term. The establishments that both were going to were right next to each other's. They said their goodbyes, gave each other a hug and a kiss, and without a backwards glance, allowed the sin of sin city to consume them.

Inutaisho was the oldest male there. Being around 5000 years old, he felt like an old man amongst the twenty year old humans. There were even a few demons there about Sesshomaru's age...though Sesshomaru would _never _go to a place like this...well, so we're led to believe. In one corner, a group of especially loud men were cheering for one of the dancers. A guy who was drunk, walked over to a friend and drapped an arm around him. "Hey, have fun, buddy! All you see here will never be available to you again. Never. So get loose with these honey's while you still have time! Cause after tonight, you can only have sex with one person for the rest of your life and then over the years, you two will like, loose your passion for each other, and then you'll like, be in bed with her and she'll be all like, "This isn't good anymore, and you'll be all like, "Well, maybe if you'd move a little it would be," and she'll be all like, "That's it, I'm through with you," and then like, you'll be able to sleep with whoever you want again." The guy crashed on the floor; his friend made no effort to help him up.

Inutaisho thought about what he'd said, but quickly dismissed the bad thoughts about Izayoi he was getting. He loved her and things were good between them. Rarely ever did they fight...unless it was about whose turn it was to tell the cooks what to make for dinner. Or even worse, what to re-heat for dinner! But he was here to have fun and fun was his middle name. Actually, it was Winfred the third, but ya'll didn't need to know all that.

He walked over to the front of the room where the stages were. It was crowded there, but he pushed his way through, then about had a heart attack. While the others were hooting and calling out like a bunch of baboons (sorry, Naraku), he was shocked to see that the woman was really nothing more than a girl. Of course she was at least eighteen, but still...He gave a deep sigh. He figured life was hard on the poor pup and she was doing anything to make a buck. Well, he could solve all of that. Suddenly, out the corner of his eye, he noticed that she'd stopped dancing.

Walking slowly over to him in her stilletos, she bent down near him. "Hey there, big guy. I'll do somethin' strange for a piece of change." Inutaisho frowned. "Does your mother know where you are right now?" He asked. The other men laughed and she cocked an eyebrow at him. "Huh? My..._mother?!_ I'm grown!" Inutaisho rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and I'm the lord of the Western lands of Japan." _Wait, I am. Fuck, wrong tactic! But she doesn't know that. _He reached in his pocket and fished out his check book. He tried to whip out a pen from his shirt pocket, but it got stuck on his pocket protector. This caused more laughs. He ignored them and wrote something on a blank check, then handed it to the girl. She looked at it, her eyes getting wide.

"You-you just gave me one-million dollars? Oh my God! Thanks!" The girl squealed, but then she noticed something different abou this check. "Wait a minute, that's not a dollar sign. That's a yen sign. You gave me one-million yen. About how much is that in dollars?" A man in the back of the room whipped out a calculator and rapidly started pressing buttons. After a moment, he slowed down, then sped up again. A few people yawned and Inutaisho took a whole nap before the man had figured out the sum. "You'd get exactly...one cent in American currency." The room fell silent. Then the girl exploded.

"One cent?! One fucking cent?!!!" She turned angry eyes on Inutaisho. "You tried to give me one measly muther-fuckin' cent?!!! Considering how much I make in a _minute_, I find that an insult! I thought you Japanese people were geniouses! You study everything under the sun from tea ceremonies to a pile of dog shit on the street and here you are giving me one cent's worth of my own currency?! Get out, old man! I don't dance for the broke!"

Security threw Inutaisho out on the side walk. "Well, I never!" There was no way that one-million yen was equal to only one cent in America. Was their currency that useless? He sighed and sat down on the curb to wait for Izayoi. She came stumbling out an hour later, a very handsome man on her arm. "Now this is what Japan needs! Men like coffee, hot, black and strong!" Inutaisho's eyes widened at his mate's comment.

"I'm not really having fun, let's go home," he suggested. She stopped giggling with the man and stared at him. "And what's the matter with you? I though you just couldn't wait to get your hands on one of those dancers. Oh, you're too old, arn't you?" _Yeah, that's it, and I just found out I'm too broke as well, _Inutaisho thought. He glanced at the young man. _Damn, that used to be me about 3000 years ago. Is this what our relationship has come to, living out our fantasies with strangers? _The young man focused his attention on Izayoi. "I must return, ma'am," he said in a deep, sexy voice. "Perhaps I will see you again though? Do come again to Las Vegas." He gave an awkward bow, then went back inside.

Izayoi stood on the sidewalk fanning herself and looking flushed. "What a man! Sexiness in next to godliness!" Inutaisho groaned. "Look, let's get back home. You were so worried about your--_our_--precious Inuyasha. We've been away long enough." _What the hell am I saying? You get burned one time at a strip club and now you wanna go running back to your kids?! Then again, I do miss beating Sesshomaru...in fights...beating Sesshomaru in fights. _

He put a hand around Izayoi's waist, just as he'd done to get there, and formed his sphere. Fuck embarrasing air travel. They were flying first class, Inutaisho style. Though he'd miss checking out the flight attendants.

Perhaps not as funny as a lot of my other chapters, sorry. Like I said, I've been preoccupied with some other writing. But review and tell me how it fared with you!


	14. A Sticky Situation

I feel the end is near! I also feel that it's been awhile since I've updated. As usual, my bad!

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Sesshomaru was pacing the daycare floor, growing more impatient by the moment. Suddenly he stopped as an idea hit him. Literally, an idea hit him. They're not always abstract you know, sometimes they're concrete as well. Anyways, while rubbing his head, he thought of something. "You know Inuyasha, we've been here for over four hours waiting on Jaken to bring another car. Then we'll have to pay to have a tow truck take the previous one back. And we could've been home by now if we'dve flown. Or ran. Well, _I _could've been home by now. You..." Here, he thought about leaving Inuyasha behind at the daycare center. Nobody would really care that he's gone. His mother might cry a bit, but his father and Izayoi were talking about having another child anyways, so his spot would quickly be filled.

Inuyasha walked over to Sesshomaru and grabbed his pants leg. "Come on, do your cloud thingy," he said. Sesshomaru walked to the door, then turned around. "Farewell, my young friends! I must be leaving!" Kagura walked over to him and took his hand. "Must you really be going, my white haired prince?" "Yes, I must," Sesshomaru said, then stopped. "Wait a minute! That was you who was on My Space? Oh shit! Look, don't tell your parents about that, okay? First of all, what the fuck were you doing on there in the first place, and second of all, you don't want to see me get in trouble, do you? I mean, come on! It's me, the all too sexy Sesshomaru! Beautiful people don't go to jail!" Behind them, Naraku scoffed. "Ha! Tell that to Paris Hilton!"

Kagura looked thoughtfuly at Sesshomaru. "Kiss me," she said. "Wait, now that's one of those things I can't do. You're about two-hundred years old. I'm over nine-hundred. Not to mention, I'm a man, you're a woman, we're just too different." The room grew silent for a moment. "Ooookay then. Awkward," Kaede said quietly. Sesshomaru turned to go, but Kagura grabbed his arm again. Sesshomaru rolled his eyes at her. "Everytime I try to leave, something keeps pulling me back," he said in a slight sing-song voice. Inuyasha quietly whispered the rest of chours of the song that Sesshomaru had mentioned to himself.

A/N: Song, "Pulling Me Back"--Tyrese ft. Chingy. Why do I always seem to have to mention a song? Oh, and the part where Sesshomaru said that he and Kagura are not compatible because he's a man and she's a woman kind of came from Futurama. I'm not insisting that Sesshomaru has yaoi tendencies!

Kagura closed her eyes and puckered her lips. She got on her tip-toes and waited expectantly. When nothing had happened for a while, she opened them to see that Sesshomaru had left. "Jilt me, why don't you? Well, we'll see how much money you have when my father sues you!" Naraku walked nonchalantly past her, chewing on an apple slice. "Kagura, I _am _your father. And we don't have the money for a lawyer to sue. Drop it." Kagura pouted, but nodded.

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha had walked to the edge of the mountain. "Wow, we can see the whole world from up here!" Inuyasha said. "No we can't!" Sesshomaru sneered. "Just the westeren half of Japan. Alright, stay close." He began to run down the mountain. He had gotten nearly to the bottom when he stopped to turn and see if Inuyasha was following. The kid was still where he'd started. "Jump, you idiot!" Sesshomaru shouted. "Are you fucking crazy?! A drop like that will break my legs!" Inuyasha shouted back. "What the hell are you talking about? It's only two feet!" A silence. Then: "Oh." Inuyasha jumped, but lost his footing due to the steep slope. He started rolling down the mountain.

He was going so fast, he passed by Sesshomaru. His older brother made no effort to help him. "Yeah, these things always happen," he muttered to himself. He jumped down a few hundred feet and began running again. Inuyasha was already at the bottom and still rolling. Sesshomaru tried to catch up but the kid was going too fast. Then he noticed something. Inuyasha was glowing. Well, actually it was more like he was sparkeling. Or sparking. He recognized the blue electricity around him. The damn hanyou was using the powers given to him by the dryer to keep propelling himself.

Sesshomaru stopped again, panting. _Can't keep up...must refuel...need Gatorade...or spinach. _He reached in his kimono sleeve and pulled out both, a can of spinach and a bottle of Gatorade. The can he tossed aside after nearly breaking his teeth trying to open it. The bottle, he poured more over his face than in his mouth, copying the commercials. Then he took it a step further and started massging his hair, then his chest. He tossed his head back like he was in a shampoo commercial, closing his eyes and letting a smirk cross his face. He stopped when he sensed a presence near him. Inuyasha had come back and was tapping a foot impatiently. "You know where home is, get going," Sesshomaru said to him. "Um, sure, but I just want to ask you one thing before I do. Why the hell are you bathing in Gatorade? I mean, hey, if that's what you like, you know, go for it. But...isn't that just going to make you sticky?" Sesshomaru blinked at him slowly, then pushed him. Big mistake.

Rather than stumbling backwards, Sesshomaru's hand stuck to Inuyasha. Inuyasha smirked and started to charge up with the electricity again. "Wait, Inuyasha, you don't want to do that..." Sesshomaru started, but it was too late. A second later, Inuyasha was running again, but this time he was dragging Sesshomaru with him. "Watch the cactuses, watch the--" Too late, Inuyasha swerved to where he missed the cactus, but Sesshomaru was scratched in the face by it. For over fifty miles, he was dragged like that.

They finally came to a stop at a gas station. Inuyasha had to use the bathroom. Sesshomaru went in to get a bottle of asprin and some neosporin. As he headed toward the counter, Sesshomaru stopped and stared at himself in the large mirror in the corner of the store. A large tumbleweed had attatched itself to his tail. His shoulder armor had pierced a cactus, and he was wearing Wily E. Coyote's fur around his waist much like Koga would do. His face was covered with dirt that had stuck to him due to the Gatorade, which also made his face green. He was missing a fang and had broken four claws. But what really pissed him off was his scuffed boots.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" He shouted out in an agitated voice. "I've had these since I was eleven! And though my toes are now throwing up gang signs from being crowded in them for too long, they're the best pair I have! How dare that mutt make me ruin them!" Inuyasha came out of the back of the store from using the bathroom just in time to hear Sesshomaru's tirade. He tsked outloud. "Brother, those shoes were ruined to moment they went on _you._" He said while passing by him. Sesshomaru growled, pissed that Inuyasha had once again insulted his sense of fashion. He paid for the items he'd brought, then stomped outside. Without another word, he conjured his cloud and flew off.

Ten minutes later, he arrived home. He walked into the living room to see that Inuyasha was already planted on the couch watching t.v. "How the hell did you get here before me?!" Sesshomaru asked in a shocked tone. "Static electricity." Inuyasha answered simply. "But that would only make things stick to you, not make you go faster than the speed of light." Inuyasha shook his head. "Oh, you poor simpleton." He got up and walked over to a dry erase board that just happend to be in the living room. "See, going by quantum physics..." As soon as Sesshomaru heard his least favorite subject, he tuned Inuyasha out, simply looking at the kid's mouth move rather than listening to the words that came out. _He should really brush his teeth. His teeth are throwing up more gang signs than MS 13! His mother's too fucking scared to take him to the dentist to get that fixed...and I'm too scared to go to a surgeon's to get my toes fixed._

"And that's how I was able to get here faster than you," Inuyasha finished. "What? Oh, yeah, baking's cool..." Sesshomaru said in a caught off guard voice. "What the...never mind," Inuyasha said. Just then, a bump came against the door, then it opened. Izayoi and Inutaisho. Uh-oh!

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A cliffie! What will happen next? Can't say! So, stay tuned for the final episode of trapped in the closet! I mean...um...this story. It's not an episode but...uh...yeah...How about we act like this never happened and ya'll just review, hm? 


	15. Home is Where the Heart is

This is it, the last chapter! And perhaps my last story for a while. You'll see why at the very end. Do read and enjoy, though!

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**Home is Where the Heart is**

(or lack of thereof!)

Inutaisho once again held all of his and Izayoi's bags in his hands. As soon as Izayoi was inside the door, she ran over to Inuyasha and started kissing him all over his face. "Oh, my sweet, sweet baby boy!"She cooed. She pressed Inuyasha's head into her breasts and squeezed him tight. "Has my wittle puppy-wuppy been a good boy? Hm? Has my wittle Yashy been a good boy? I bet you have! I bet you have!" Sesshomaru started gagging; Inutaisho actually threw up in one of the plants. Inuyasha could only wait his mother's fussing out.

When she'd nearly hugged the poor child to death, she let go of him. "Well, it's nice to know that you two hadn't killed each other. I really expected to come home to a murder scene." "Nice to know you trust me," Sesshomaru muttered. Inutaisho came over and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Good work son! Proud of ya! Had it been me, I would've ditched the child a long time ago and went to that...now what was that event that all you young'ns go to...oh yeah, Woodstock!" "Woodstock?!" Sesshomaru shrieked. "Dad, it's Spring Bling (which I've missed!), not Woodstock? How old do you think I am?" Inutaisho put a finger to his chin and thought about it. "Well, I can't actually tell you that, son. I mean, it's hard enough keeping up with my own birthday, let alone yours or anyone elses."

At this, Izayoi turned cold eyes to him. "Oh, so _that's _why you've forgotten my birthday _twelve years straight!_ And why you've forgotten our aniversary for the past _three hundred years! _How the hell do you forget such important dates? The day your eldest son was born? The day our family became whole with Inuyasha?" Inutaisho stared at her. "For me, the family was complete after I killed my first mate--I mean, she died in a freak...um...blender accident and it was just Sesshomaru and me. The rest of you are just bonuses." Izayoi gasped, then slapped him. "You bastard!" "Yep, never knew my father." Inutaisho said, shaking his head. "But hey, I must love you in order to have put up with everything we've been through. I didn't have to revive you after Takemaru killed you. Oh, and I found out through your cousin that you were going with him while you were going with me. With that said, I want you to stop riding my ass about commitment."

Listening to this senseless bickering was giving Sesshomaru another headache. He popped some of the asprin he'd brought from the gas station. Suddenly, his father stopped arguing with Izayoi and stared at him. "Holy shit, Sessh! I just now realized it, but what the fuck happened to you? All that green...no way! You're the incredible Hulk! So uh...I guess it wouldn't really hurt you if I did this, would it?" Here he shoved Sesshomaru hard enough to send him flying into the farthest wall in the room. The cracking plaster followed him as he slid to the floor. "No, dad. I'm perfectly okay," he said in a weak voice. Inutaisho had felt charged doing that to Sesshomaru. He couldn't wait to get back to their "training" sessions.

Izayoi went into the kitchen and brought back a wet dish towel. She tried to wipe Sesshomaru's face, but he struggled much like a child. "Fine! Go around looking nasty!" She threw the towel down in a huff. That word was new to Sesshomaru, nasty. Not that he hadn't heard it before, but it'd never been directed toward him. Nasty...that's a powerful word! When you really think about it, to be called nasty is...degrading! He grabbed the towel and washed his face, then tried to use it to shine his boots, but it was too late for them. Away they had to go.

"Inuyasha, you owe me a pair of boots," Sesshomaru sniffed as he took them off. As soon as the first one was off, Inutaisho began gagging. "Oh, for the love of Diana Ross, put that back on! Between the smell and the fact that your toes look like they havn't seen the light of day in forever, I'm about to lose everything I've ever eaten!" Sesshomaru cast him a look. "This is a really emotional moment for me! Can't I have a little sympathy?" "For your toes, yes. For you? I'll take that as a rhetorical question." Still, Sesshomaru took the other one off.

Sesshomaru tried to wiggle his toes but they wouldn't bend. "They look like the knarled roots of a tree," Inuyasha commented. Everyone nodded in agreement. "You know, my physician friend, Suikotsu, can take care of that for you," Inutaisho said. "He's a physician, you say," Izayoi mumbled to herself, a small smile playing at her face. Sesshomaru just shook his head. "No dad. If I altered my body because the world doesn't like what I look like, I'd never be happy." Inutaisho stared at him. "Son, there's a difference between getting cologen at the age of thirty-five when you don't need it (like Izayoi), and getting problems like _that _taken care of. If I had've known your toes looked like that, I never would have entered you in the Beautiful Boshounen contests. Beautiful people don't hang out with ugly people, unless they're standing next to one to make themselves look even better. Like me standing next to you!" Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes at him.

Inuyasha didn't understand their obsession with looks. "God made all of us in his own image," he declared proudly. "Who the fuck taught you that?" Inutaisho snapped. "M-mother," Inuyasha stammered. "Your mother only told you that to make you feel better," Inutaisho said. "Besides, we're Buddhists. Who the fuck is God?" Inuyasha's head dipped. Sesshomaru was right, everything he'd been taught was fake.

So said demon grabbed his boots and carried them to the kitchen. They followed him to where he stood in front of the trash can. "We are gathered here today to say goodbye to some very dear friends of mine," he started. "I was still a pup when I met them, but they stayed with me long after I became a man. And for that, I'm thankful." A tear fell from his face as he dropped the shoes in the can. Izayoi started humming Amazing Grace in a deep, rich, un-Japanese like voice. Sounded like she should have been cooking up some greens and corn bread along with it.

After the "ceremony", they all parted their seperate ways. Inutaisho headed out to the back patio to where the jacuzzi was at. Inuyasha went back to his room to where _Kama Sutra _was still at, Sesshomaru went into the den to get on the computer there and see if Kagura was on-line on Myspace, and Izayoi figured she'd finish the laundry, since Sesshomaru never did it.

As soon as she entered the room, she screamed. Inutaisho ran in from outside, wearing nothing but boxers, Inuyasha looked between the book and the door, torn between answering his mother's scream or continuing to read. He chose to keep reading. Sesshomaru quickly tried to delete the porn ads that had popped up before anyone walked in. As soon as they were gone, he ran to see what the fuss was about. In the laundry room, it was evident what the problem was.

"What in the hell happened to the wall?!" Izayoi screamed. The hole that Inuyasha had made when he'd blasted Sesshomaru through it was still there. "Inuyasha did it," Sesshomaru said. She looked at him. "What? It's the truth. We've been trying to tell you that that kid's bad as hell. He climbed in the dryer with some of my things and when he got out, he had these...powers that could blast people through stuff." Izayoi and Inutaisho looked at one another, then burst out laughing. "Oh, that's a good one, Sessh! 'Inuyasha has powers', yeah right!" Inutaisho said, falling over from laughing too hard. Izayoi was nearly doing the same.

"Okay, so if he didn't do it, who did?" Sesshomaru said in an offended tone. "Why, you did!" Izayoi said. "You know that doing laundry is the only thing that keeps me from going insane. That and Prozac. With the washer and dryer going, I can block out the sound of you guys. You decided that you'd get revenge on me for making you watch Inuyasha rather than letting you go and apply for joining the Disney channel summer games." Sesshomaru face-palmed. _Woodstock, Disney channel. I'm too young for one and too old for the other! Nine-hundred is not that old compared to Mathusala. Wait, that's a Bible character. How do I know that?! _

"Look, if you don't believe me, I'll show you," Sesshomaru said to them. "Oh, now it's the great, 'I'll show you' scam. Have some honor and just admit it," Inutaisho said. Sesshomaru ignored him and led them up the stairs to Inuyasha's room. They entered to find the boy mere centimeters away from the pages. He looked up in shock, too engrossed with the book to hear them coming. "Oh, mom! Dad! How nice of you to visit me...here in my room." Sesshomaru walked up to him and picked him up by the scruff of his collar. Using his other hand, he rubbed it on Inuyasha's head. The static blue electricity started to build up there, then spread to the rest of his body. A moment later, a discharge went off, blowing out all of the windows in the room.

Izayoi stared at him. "So it _was _you! How dare you wreck the only thing that gives mommy pleasure anymore! I _need _that laundry room! And what's this?!" She looked at the book he'd been reading. "Pornography?! So now you're turning into your father?!" At the mention of his title, Inutaisho began to quietly slip out of the room. Izayoi pulled a belt from the inside of her kimono. I don't think it's normal to carry a belt in your kimono, but...yeah. Sesshomaru decided to get a front-row seat on the bed to what he'd been hoping to see for forever. Izayoi grabbed Inuyasha's arm, raised the belt in her other hand, and quickly brought it back down.

The impact that followed couldn't adequetly be called a slap. It was more like a tap to Inuyasha. But he hollered for all the world to hear anyways. "Oweeee! No, please don't hit me again! I'm sorry! Please don't do this!" "Hush, Inuyasha!" his mother said. "The Ladies Society won't make me an honorary member if they think I abuse you!" Sesshomaru dropped the popcorn that he'd mysteriously gotten. "Wait, that's it? No dodging morning stars or being put on the arm and leg stretcher?" Izayoi stared at him. "What, you want me to kill him?" "That's what dad does to me everytime I do something wrong. Either that or he re-introduces me to Muhammad and Mike, his fists."

Soon after this, the place settled into its old self again. Inuyasha went back to reading his book (why Izayoi never took it away from him, Buddah only knows), Inutaisho went back to the jacuzzi, Sesshomaru magicaly repaired the laudry room wall for fear of his father's wrath, then went back to searching for Kagura on-line, and Izayoi gleefuly unwrapped another Dove chocolate bar, talking about it was "Shoeshopping, hangging the un-house broken dog, having sex with a chippendale dancer good." But Inutaisho finally noticed something out of the ordianary. "Where's Jaken?" he wondered to himself.

Three hundred miles away, Jaken drove the royal convertable in the complete opposite direction of his supposed destination of the daycare. "Arn't you going to get in trouble?" a pretty blonde girl beside him asked. "Naw, baby. It's all cool," Jaken said in a macho voice, putting his arm around her. And off they drove into a peaceful sunset. Or at least until someone reported the car stolen!

* * *

And with that, there goes the conclusion to the story! Thanks everyone for reading! Now, I'm not going to say that I'm quitting fanfiction (especially since I tried that once and it didn't wok), but since I'm about to move from the nearly invisible town of Many (Mannie) Louisiana, to New Orleans (yep, and it's hurricane season! My friends all say I'm going to float on back! How mean...), I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to write just now. Anyways though, love all of ya'll and I really appreciate the support you've given me (even the guy who said his nutsacks were smarter than me! Can't belive I left that review still up!). Till we meet again (or if!), this girl's out! Peace! 

----Sincerly

Amanda Denise Williams/Fluffymiyster


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